Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 9:48 PM
Dust & Ashes
I don't have anyone else to talk to....so I'll be talking to you. Lend me a ear....and bear with me...
Last night, she told me...lingo told me that she's leaving.
You saw that right, she's leaving for good. I was so devastated...I thought I could do something to change things...but I guess not...
For a girl like her, for someone like her who doesn't give up easily...to finally say those words. She must...must've had enough...so nothing I say...will make her stay.
She ignored me, I tried talking to her..I spammed messages, calls...all to no avail. There was nothing I could do...I hugged her hairband to sleep. I so badly wanna feel her presence, at least one last time. I wanna...hear her voice one last time. And I wanna...see that silly face of her's one last time...
I cried myself to slepp.
When I woke the next morning, I was still clutching her hairband tightly...
I prepared for school, and I tried contacting her again. Nothing worked...
I figured, I'll go look for her after school, even it meant waiting outside her house till she came out...I wanted to see her at least one last time.
I couldn't concentrate in class...till finally we were dismissed.
I was really hungry...yet I couldn't bother to eat, I rushed down to her area immediately. I didn't wanna...risk missing her when she left house.
I finally got there at around 1, then I called her. Hoping so much she would answer the call...she did. My hope swelled. She opened the door to let me in...
Then she went to continue with her studies. I sat on her bed, looking at her back view, knowing that...this might be my last time seeing it. I just couldn't take my eyes off, I wanna remember every last bit of her...
Then for some reason, she stopped her studies. Then...she came and sat beside me. I looked at her for awhile, then uncontrollably reached out to her hands and hugged her. When I did...tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't bear to see her go...
Yet that was a fact....she's gonna be leaving me soon. Lingo...is leaving me for good. I hugged her tightly, I carressed her head....I wanna remember how it's like to hug her, how it's like to hug this girl I love.
Then after awhile, she pulled me off. I was crying.
She...helped me wipe my tears. That moment...I thought maybe I could still salvage this...
Yet...I guess I was wrong.
After that she went to prepare for school. I laid down on her bed, thinking back at our times together. How she'd make me stay when I despaired...turns out I'm doing the same now. Difference is...she won't be staying.
After she was done, she came up and crawled to me. I held her hand and asked her.. "Are you really gonna leave?"
I was hoping for her to say that she isn't....but she looked at me, and kept quiet. That moment, all my hopes were shattered. I guess...she's determined to go. Then it occured to me, that from now till I left her after seeing her to the exam venue. That...would prolly be our last moments together...
So I saw her down. I don't know why...she still held my hand on her accord. I didn't know what was going on in her mind. Didn't she wanna leave...? Or maybe...just like me...she just wants to spend our last moments together.
All along the way, I tried so hard to contain my tears.
Finally, we got to her school. Went to the exam venue.
I held her hand there as we awaited. That moment I wished...4 pm never came, that I could still keep holding on to her. That she was still with me...
Time didn't stop. Then it was time for her to go. I pecked her on her cheek, knowing that could be my last chance. Then we held each other's hands even tighter, and she kissed me on my lips too...
Then it's time for her to enter the exam hall. I watched as her hands slipped away from mine. The thought that I'll never be able to hold them again....hurt me so much....I tried so hard to swallow my tears.
I watched as she walked away...and eventually fade away from my sight.
She was...gone...
After that, I walked out the school to the bus stop for 157 home. I was hungry....thirsty and the sun was scorching. Then I suddenly felt dizzy...then I wished that maybe if I suffered a stroke her and now, close my eyes and left this world. Maybe...I wouldn't have to bear with this sadness....
I was in a daze all the way back home. I didn't eat...I just wanna head back home. Lie down..close my eyes and not think about things. That was my only escape...
Now I'm blogging...cause I so badly needed to talk to someone..or something. It's so hard to bear....I tried so hard not to cry as I blog. Yet those tears....they just kept flowing...
I kept checking back at her facebook status...hoping she would not remove our relationship status...I don't know why...but I'm still trying so hard to convince myself she's still here with me. That she's not gone yet....
I miss her so much bloggie.....I don't know what to do...
I don't know....everything, it all seems to have became dust...and ashes....
If only there was a way that I wouldn't need to bear with this sadness anymore...
Last night, she told me...lingo told me that she's leaving.
You saw that right, she's leaving for good. I was so devastated...I thought I could do something to change things...but I guess not...
For a girl like her, for someone like her who doesn't give up easily...to finally say those words. She must...must've had enough...so nothing I say...will make her stay.
She ignored me, I tried talking to her..I spammed messages, calls...all to no avail. There was nothing I could do...I hugged her hairband to sleep. I so badly wanna feel her presence, at least one last time. I wanna...hear her voice one last time. And I wanna...see that silly face of her's one last time...
I cried myself to slepp.
When I woke the next morning, I was still clutching her hairband tightly...
I prepared for school, and I tried contacting her again. Nothing worked...
I figured, I'll go look for her after school, even it meant waiting outside her house till she came out...I wanted to see her at least one last time.
I couldn't concentrate in class...till finally we were dismissed.
I was really hungry...yet I couldn't bother to eat, I rushed down to her area immediately. I didn't wanna...risk missing her when she left house.
I finally got there at around 1, then I called her. Hoping so much she would answer the call...she did. My hope swelled. She opened the door to let me in...
Then she went to continue with her studies. I sat on her bed, looking at her back view, knowing that...this might be my last time seeing it. I just couldn't take my eyes off, I wanna remember every last bit of her...
Then for some reason, she stopped her studies. Then...she came and sat beside me. I looked at her for awhile, then uncontrollably reached out to her hands and hugged her. When I did...tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't bear to see her go...
Yet that was a fact....she's gonna be leaving me soon. Lingo...is leaving me for good. I hugged her tightly, I carressed her head....I wanna remember how it's like to hug her, how it's like to hug this girl I love.
Then after awhile, she pulled me off. I was crying.
She...helped me wipe my tears. That moment...I thought maybe I could still salvage this...
Yet...I guess I was wrong.
After that she went to prepare for school. I laid down on her bed, thinking back at our times together. How she'd make me stay when I despaired...turns out I'm doing the same now. Difference is...she won't be staying.
After she was done, she came up and crawled to me. I held her hand and asked her.. "Are you really gonna leave?"
I was hoping for her to say that she isn't....but she looked at me, and kept quiet. That moment, all my hopes were shattered. I guess...she's determined to go. Then it occured to me, that from now till I left her after seeing her to the exam venue. That...would prolly be our last moments together...
So I saw her down. I don't know why...she still held my hand on her accord. I didn't know what was going on in her mind. Didn't she wanna leave...? Or maybe...just like me...she just wants to spend our last moments together.
All along the way, I tried so hard to contain my tears.
Finally, we got to her school. Went to the exam venue.
I held her hand there as we awaited. That moment I wished...4 pm never came, that I could still keep holding on to her. That she was still with me...
Time didn't stop. Then it was time for her to go. I pecked her on her cheek, knowing that could be my last chance. Then we held each other's hands even tighter, and she kissed me on my lips too...
Then it's time for her to enter the exam hall. I watched as her hands slipped away from mine. The thought that I'll never be able to hold them again....hurt me so much....I tried so hard to swallow my tears.
I watched as she walked away...and eventually fade away from my sight.
She was...gone...
After that, I walked out the school to the bus stop for 157 home. I was hungry....thirsty and the sun was scorching. Then I suddenly felt dizzy...then I wished that maybe if I suffered a stroke her and now, close my eyes and left this world. Maybe...I wouldn't have to bear with this sadness....
I was in a daze all the way back home. I didn't eat...I just wanna head back home. Lie down..close my eyes and not think about things. That was my only escape...
Now I'm blogging...cause I so badly needed to talk to someone..or something. It's so hard to bear....I tried so hard not to cry as I blog. Yet those tears....they just kept flowing...
I kept checking back at her facebook status...hoping she would not remove our relationship status...I don't know why...but I'm still trying so hard to convince myself she's still here with me. That she's not gone yet....
I miss her so much bloggie.....I don't know what to do...
I don't know....everything, it all seems to have became dust...and ashes....
If only there was a way that I wouldn't need to bear with this sadness anymore...
