Sunday, May 15, 2011, 8:28 AM
Our final step together
This is gonna be something solemn I guess...so bear with me.
For the pass few days, I have been thinking. I have been self-reflecting. I have been wondering...
Finally, yesterday, I came to a decision. I was really broken and torn between my choices. So I went to watch a movie and my mum accompanied me. I have never shared anything on this scale with her before, but yesterday I did.
I told her my thoughts, my reflections...and eventually my choices. I have decided to stop this. A journey that will take the me and lingg nowhere.
My mum asked me if I was really certain, that some things...once decided, cannot turn back. Surprisingly, she even tried to persuade me not to, to give things another chance. Take another perspective, when I thought she'd just encourage me to to end it. This made my decision...all that harder to make.
So I told my mum...
I already did.
I have already tried taking another perspective to things.
When I decided on this dream...
I already knew it would be a life of solitude.
Yet...I didn't wanna give in to fate.
I refused to believe there wasn't anyone out there for me.
I refused to believe that my dream and love...cannot co-exist.
I tried to bring both worlds together...
But it was an obvious attempt to change something I couldn't.
And on this day, I'm forced to finally face that harsh reality once again.
To achieve this dream of mine, I'll have to abandon love.
Because I know, I'm not that lucky to find someone who would be able to bear her husband's absence for irregular absence on days or even weeks.
Then there was this girl I'll have to leave.
lingo...
Kinda missed calling her by that name...
After this I won't get another chance to call her that...
I finally broke the news to her.
She begged me to stay...
When she never did for any of her Exs.
She was willing to change for me...
When she never did for her Ex, nor her best friend.
She was willing to give everything up, and leave this land eventually...
When all her life was tied to this place, even if it meant leaving her mum.
All that, was good enough and probably...the best testament of her love towards me.
That made my choice and stand that much harder to make.
Now wasn't just simply giving up on any random girl.
Now...was giving up on a girl who truly loves me.
But I cannot be selfish...
She won't lead a happy life with me, knowing her character.
I'd rather hurt her once, than drag it and make the pain deeper.
I'd rather push her away, to find someone else...than waste her youth with me.
I'd rather she forget me, start life anew...than cling onto the memory of someone not worth remembering.
I don't wanna waste the time and youth of an innocent girl...she was...always so oblivious to the harsher facts of life...things that I have seen.
The world is vast, and she will definitely find someone who is really deserving of her love.
She will find someone who can give her everything, and most importantly, happiness.
She will find someone who loves this country as much as she does.
She will find someone who she can change and do things for, and it'll be worth it.
That person...isn't me.
Before I told her anything...I was really worried.
I was worried what would become of her.
She has....always been so reliant on me.
If I was suddenly gone...what would happen?
I couldn't bear to do this to her when I thought of that.
I really that much wanna continue this journey.
I that much want to continue being her pillar.
Yet I know those are all not possible, not with my dream.
This pain would be hurting...but it's a short one.
It's like...pushing a sword through your heart.
It'll hurt alot for a split second, and after that, the pain will be gone.
Rather than inserting a parasite into your body, and let it slowly torture you..slowly take your life away.
I'm sorry lingg.
I'm not the guy worth changing for.
I'm not a guy worth remembering much.
I'm not a guy...deserving of your love.
We have taken on a journey together on 24022011. The road dusts off and it's time for us take another route on 15052011.
I'm sure...you will find a better man.
For me? I probably won't get into another relationship, knowing what my dream dictates.
lingg, don't be too harsh on yourself. This isn't your fault. It's mine.
You can be a good girlfriend if you so choose to.
But that was something I couldn't live with, not for long.
This day, is where we write our final chapters of our book. Our time together had it's ups and downs...and it was really great meeting a girl like you. Just that...fate didn't mean us to carry through.
I'm sorry lingg.
Even at this point, I still don't know why I refuse to remove the ring.
Maybe this was a fact that was hard for me to accept as well.
That we will have to go on seperate paths from today on, and that ring...and the momeries of what's left with it will accompany me.
At least, she still has a ring and my jacket to remind herself of my presence...if she that much chooses to.
Me, I only have a ring. Maybe the notebook with her handwriting at best...I guess that would have to suffice.
I'm sorry lingg.
You'll have to remove that ring one day when you find someone better.
For me, I will continue wearing it even if we are no longer together.
To me, we may no longer be a couple with a title from today on...but my heart is tied to yours.
That ring...is what tie my heart and its love to you.
It shall serve as a reminder that I once had this girl whom I love, who loves me too.
Lingg...go out there, expand your horizons. You will finally one day meet someone who'll walk the rest of his life with you.
For me, I'm headed towards my dream, and walking with the ring that once bounded us together.
I'm sorry lingg.
Before this whole story comes to an end...I just wanna say one last thing, before I don't have another chance to do it again.
I love you lingg.
And...I'm sorry....
You live your life even when I'm not around anymore.
And you live it better, I know you can.
For the pass few days, I have been thinking. I have been self-reflecting. I have been wondering...
Finally, yesterday, I came to a decision. I was really broken and torn between my choices. So I went to watch a movie and my mum accompanied me. I have never shared anything on this scale with her before, but yesterday I did.
I told her my thoughts, my reflections...and eventually my choices. I have decided to stop this. A journey that will take the me and lingg nowhere.
My mum asked me if I was really certain, that some things...once decided, cannot turn back. Surprisingly, she even tried to persuade me not to, to give things another chance. Take another perspective, when I thought she'd just encourage me to to end it. This made my decision...all that harder to make.
So I told my mum...
I already did.
I have already tried taking another perspective to things.
When I decided on this dream...
I already knew it would be a life of solitude.
Yet...I didn't wanna give in to fate.
I refused to believe there wasn't anyone out there for me.
I refused to believe that my dream and love...cannot co-exist.
I tried to bring both worlds together...
But it was an obvious attempt to change something I couldn't.
And on this day, I'm forced to finally face that harsh reality once again.
To achieve this dream of mine, I'll have to abandon love.
Because I know, I'm not that lucky to find someone who would be able to bear her husband's absence for irregular absence on days or even weeks.
Then there was this girl I'll have to leave.
lingo...
Kinda missed calling her by that name...
After this I won't get another chance to call her that...
I finally broke the news to her.
She begged me to stay...
When she never did for any of her Exs.
She was willing to change for me...
When she never did for her Ex, nor her best friend.
She was willing to give everything up, and leave this land eventually...
When all her life was tied to this place, even if it meant leaving her mum.
All that, was good enough and probably...the best testament of her love towards me.
That made my choice and stand that much harder to make.
Now wasn't just simply giving up on any random girl.
Now...was giving up on a girl who truly loves me.
But I cannot be selfish...
She won't lead a happy life with me, knowing her character.
I'd rather hurt her once, than drag it and make the pain deeper.
I'd rather push her away, to find someone else...than waste her youth with me.
I'd rather she forget me, start life anew...than cling onto the memory of someone not worth remembering.
I don't wanna waste the time and youth of an innocent girl...she was...always so oblivious to the harsher facts of life...things that I have seen.
The world is vast, and she will definitely find someone who is really deserving of her love.
She will find someone who can give her everything, and most importantly, happiness.
She will find someone who loves this country as much as she does.
She will find someone who she can change and do things for, and it'll be worth it.
That person...isn't me.
Before I told her anything...I was really worried.
I was worried what would become of her.
She has....always been so reliant on me.
If I was suddenly gone...what would happen?
I couldn't bear to do this to her when I thought of that.
I really that much wanna continue this journey.
I that much want to continue being her pillar.
Yet I know those are all not possible, not with my dream.
This pain would be hurting...but it's a short one.
It's like...pushing a sword through your heart.
It'll hurt alot for a split second, and after that, the pain will be gone.
Rather than inserting a parasite into your body, and let it slowly torture you..slowly take your life away.
I'm sorry lingg.
I'm not the guy worth changing for.
I'm not a guy worth remembering much.
I'm not a guy...deserving of your love.
We have taken on a journey together on 24022011. The road dusts off and it's time for us take another route on 15052011.
I'm sure...you will find a better man.
For me? I probably won't get into another relationship, knowing what my dream dictates.
lingg, don't be too harsh on yourself. This isn't your fault. It's mine.
You can be a good girlfriend if you so choose to.
But that was something I couldn't live with, not for long.
This day, is where we write our final chapters of our book. Our time together had it's ups and downs...and it was really great meeting a girl like you. Just that...fate didn't mean us to carry through.
I'm sorry lingg.
Even at this point, I still don't know why I refuse to remove the ring.
Maybe this was a fact that was hard for me to accept as well.
That we will have to go on seperate paths from today on, and that ring...and the momeries of what's left with it will accompany me.
At least, she still has a ring and my jacket to remind herself of my presence...if she that much chooses to.
Me, I only have a ring. Maybe the notebook with her handwriting at best...I guess that would have to suffice.
I'm sorry lingg.
You'll have to remove that ring one day when you find someone better.
For me, I will continue wearing it even if we are no longer together.
To me, we may no longer be a couple with a title from today on...but my heart is tied to yours.
That ring...is what tie my heart and its love to you.
It shall serve as a reminder that I once had this girl whom I love, who loves me too.
Lingg...go out there, expand your horizons. You will finally one day meet someone who'll walk the rest of his life with you.
For me, I'm headed towards my dream, and walking with the ring that once bounded us together.
I'm sorry lingg.
Before this whole story comes to an end...I just wanna say one last thing, before I don't have another chance to do it again.
I love you lingg.
And...I'm sorry....
You live your life even when I'm not around anymore.
And you live it better, I know you can.
