Tuesday, May 17, 2011, 8:22 AM
I will...
All this while from the day I mentioned this to her..
I've been torn apart as to really what to do.
Part of me had to leave, because I know I can never give lingg what she needed. And I don't wanna waste the time and youth of a girl like her.
Despite that, part of me still wished to be with her. It ain't ever easy pushing someone you love away...but that part of me somehow hopes I can continue on walking with her. Many times I felt like giving in, to go back to her when she asked me not to go....because that part of me that much wants to. It's never easy moving away from someone you've spent 5 months of everyday with..
Finally, last night, she told me something. Something that probably meant she has already given up. I cried again, because this...this was not something I wanted. But she finally made easy the decision which I could not wholly make. Now...as much as I wanna go back, I'm left with just one road to take.
Hey lingg..
I don't know if you still ever drop by this blog...
But I still visit yours...hoping one day I can see it again...
I don't know if you're still wearing our ring...
But I still am. It is the only thing I could remember, and to make myself feel like you're still here with me even though we're apart...
I don't know you'll remember me after this...
But I will remember you, the moments and every experience we've shared together.
I don't know if you still think of me...
But I still do, I think of you every moment we're apart...
I don't know if you still look through our photos...
But I still do, each one brings back beautiful memories...
I don't know if we can even still be friends...
But from the looks of it, I guess not.
Probably is for the better...me being around will just deepen your wound further.
Ya know...? It's really good to know that someone loves you. Or at least, in the lifetime...someone has loved you alot. But fate never really ever gives us everything we wanted, there'll always be forks in the road and each time...we might decide to take a different turn.
You may be a different person now...but I still love you and it hurts so much to have to take a different road. Because I know I cannot give you what you needed. It hurts so much because although I don't wanna let go...I have to.
I guess that's really it no? Sigh...
I was talking to my friend yesterday because he realised how dejected I looked. I didn't had anyone to really confide in and with everything building up inside me...somehow I just said it. I told him what happened, why I made this decision. Then he told me it was stupid, stupid of me to let go of her a girl who loves me for something I'm not even 100% sure of.
Then now I'm thinking...have I made a wrong decision? Have I taken a wrong turn? I...I only ever meant well. I didn't wanna disappoint her later on in life when she realises what I cannot give to her. I just...
I'd rather she went to look for another guy now, expand her horizons instead of wasting her time with me....
Was I wrong?
Maybe so....but then again...I guess it's all too late now. Now, there is but one road left ahead of me. She has sealed the other.
Lingg, now that you have made your decision...I hope you'll live your life well. You live it better too. I'm sure one day, you'll find that someone who can give you everything you ever wanted...or needed.
I'll remember you.
I'll take the train home, and remember the times we would hug and kiss on it like the world was ours.
I'll walk alone, and remember you beside me, where I'll crap and make you laugh.
I'll eat alone, looking across the table, remembering the times you watched me eat and how cute you looked while eating.
I'll wake up to a day with no anticipation, remembering how you were the only thing I looked forward to.
I'll pass by your area, and remember how I'd go up and ring you up to open the door.
I'll look back at this blog, and remember the only reason for it's existant.
I'll read back the contents, and remember the happy times we had.
I'll look through my dreams again, and remember how you were gonna be in it.
I'll look at our ring...and remember the bond we once shared.
I'll look up into the night sky...and remember my love for you, and remember how we were always together...inseperable...
I'll look back at everything, and remember the girl I loved so much in this life...this girl who loved me as much...
I'll look back at our photos, and picture as the figments of each memory pieces itself up again and reform the whole chain of memories we had. This memory which I'll hold on to...because I don't ever wanna forget you. I don't ever wanna forget this girl who has loved me so much...even till now.
This girl I'll remember...
Lingg...I miss you so much, I miss our times together...but things aren't the same anymore...
I've been torn apart as to really what to do.
Part of me had to leave, because I know I can never give lingg what she needed. And I don't wanna waste the time and youth of a girl like her.
Despite that, part of me still wished to be with her. It ain't ever easy pushing someone you love away...but that part of me somehow hopes I can continue on walking with her. Many times I felt like giving in, to go back to her when she asked me not to go....because that part of me that much wants to. It's never easy moving away from someone you've spent 5 months of everyday with..
Finally, last night, she told me something. Something that probably meant she has already given up. I cried again, because this...this was not something I wanted. But she finally made easy the decision which I could not wholly make. Now...as much as I wanna go back, I'm left with just one road to take.
Hey lingg..
I don't know if you still ever drop by this blog...
But I still visit yours...hoping one day I can see it again...
I don't know if you're still wearing our ring...
But I still am. It is the only thing I could remember, and to make myself feel like you're still here with me even though we're apart...
I don't know you'll remember me after this...
But I will remember you, the moments and every experience we've shared together.
I don't know if you still think of me...
But I still do, I think of you every moment we're apart...
I don't know if you still look through our photos...
But I still do, each one brings back beautiful memories...
I don't know if we can even still be friends...
But from the looks of it, I guess not.
Probably is for the better...me being around will just deepen your wound further.
Ya know...? It's really good to know that someone loves you. Or at least, in the lifetime...someone has loved you alot. But fate never really ever gives us everything we wanted, there'll always be forks in the road and each time...we might decide to take a different turn.
You may be a different person now...but I still love you and it hurts so much to have to take a different road. Because I know I cannot give you what you needed. It hurts so much because although I don't wanna let go...I have to.
I guess that's really it no? Sigh...
I was talking to my friend yesterday because he realised how dejected I looked. I didn't had anyone to really confide in and with everything building up inside me...somehow I just said it. I told him what happened, why I made this decision. Then he told me it was stupid, stupid of me to let go of her a girl who loves me for something I'm not even 100% sure of.
Then now I'm thinking...have I made a wrong decision? Have I taken a wrong turn? I...I only ever meant well. I didn't wanna disappoint her later on in life when she realises what I cannot give to her. I just...
I'd rather she went to look for another guy now, expand her horizons instead of wasting her time with me....
Was I wrong?
Maybe so....but then again...I guess it's all too late now. Now, there is but one road left ahead of me. She has sealed the other.
Lingg, now that you have made your decision...I hope you'll live your life well. You live it better too. I'm sure one day, you'll find that someone who can give you everything you ever wanted...or needed.
I'll remember you.
I'll take the train home, and remember the times we would hug and kiss on it like the world was ours.
I'll walk alone, and remember you beside me, where I'll crap and make you laugh.
I'll eat alone, looking across the table, remembering the times you watched me eat and how cute you looked while eating.
I'll wake up to a day with no anticipation, remembering how you were the only thing I looked forward to.
I'll pass by your area, and remember how I'd go up and ring you up to open the door.
I'll look back at this blog, and remember the only reason for it's existant.
I'll read back the contents, and remember the happy times we had.
I'll look through my dreams again, and remember how you were gonna be in it.
I'll look at our ring...and remember the bond we once shared.
I'll look up into the night sky...and remember my love for you, and remember how we were always together...inseperable...
I'll look back at everything, and remember the girl I loved so much in this life...this girl who loved me as much...
I'll look back at our photos, and picture as the figments of each memory pieces itself up again and reform the whole chain of memories we had. This memory which I'll hold on to...because I don't ever wanna forget you. I don't ever wanna forget this girl who has loved me so much...even till now.
This girl I'll remember...
Lingg...I miss you so much, I miss our times together...but things aren't the same anymore...
