Tuesday, July 12, 2011, 9:00 PM
Tuition on Tuesday? Do I know? Know what? I don't, cause you never told me so. The last time I asked, you told me it wasn't planned out yet.
To be honest, I have lessons till 6.30 today as I said. In fact, it delayed by half an hour. How was I supposed to be free? I still have a submission tomorrow.
As for wednesday, for the first time in this week I'm able to take a breather and spend time with you because all major submissions in this week are done by tomorrow. I won't have lessons on thursday either because it shifted over to today. Know what that means? I have 2 days for you. What are we gonna waste this on? A cold war. I draw time when I can, whenever I can. Then is it my fault you are booked on Thursday? For god's sake, I don't even go out with my friends anymore, in fact..0. I don't get the luxury you do, of which you can still meet your jie when you need to.
All you have to do is tell me about it and I'll understand. I don't go out with friends anymore. Why? Ever thought why? I don't go out with them because I have work to do. Any free time I get, I give them to you. Not to them.
Remember when you came back one day and saw me sleeping on your bed? Initially I wouldn't be able to head over because I had to do my UV unwrappings on my home desktop. My laptop is too laggy for that and you don't have the software at your house either. Later when I swapped it with my friend, I went over. Thought why? Because I didn't need my desktop anymore. Any work I didn't specifically require my desktop to do, I could do at your house.
Unless you wanna tell me you have the softwares I need at your house too, and that your desktop can support the memory intensive programs required. Sure, no problem I could head over to do my work there. No complaints.
The thing here is? I can't. I need that desktop to finish those stuff up and so I do not have a choice in that. Unless you wanna ask me to forego all my assignments and fail them instead? I'm sorry....I can't do that.
Now let's move on to weekends.
Study and work. Tell me which weekends when I didn't have any urgent workload that I didn't spend time with you? Any weekends I got when I have nothing urgent to do up, I gave my time to you.
You talk about my family day. You wanna guess something? Know when was the last time I went out with my family? All 4 of us, my mum, dad, sis and myself. Know when was the last time? You don't know, I'll tell you. 5 months since the last time I went out with them. You? You just went out with them last week.
I didn't say nothing about that even when you forbade me to go look for furniture with my parents few weeks back. I even gave them the stupid excuse that I had a splitting headache. Why? Just in the hope that you wouldn't get mad.
Family day, I haven't had it in awhile and I daren't even ask for it. Cause I know what your reaction will be. So don't tell me about family day when you get it, and I don't. Not that I complaint about it either.
Most of the time you head over. True, but that was awhile back. There was this time I head over everyday. Then there was this time you came over everyday. Now I went over everytime so long as I had the time and didn't need that desktop of mine. Yet you want me to ask you to come over.
Could I say so? I know you don't really like my house. So I didn't ask whenever I had to stay home.
I know I'll probably get "why? Can't you come over instead?" and if I tell you the reason, we'll be in a cold war again. Do you see the point? I dare not ask. I know what the end result will be and I'd rather not risk that....because I don't wanna waste time with something as pointless as a cold war.
You make time for me. Yes I know, and it's easier for you. Like you said before, I am your dream. I am your passion. Am I not right? It's easy for you to put aside your work, something that you don't really exactly like don't you?
Also remember, your course is an exam based course, mine isn't. Sure you have to practise and all, I know. But no constant submissions one after another. Where almost every week, you get a deadline for a submission.
Guess what? That's what's happening for my course. I don't get the luxury to practise on my free time because it's just submission after submission. Maybe if you were in my course, it wouldn't be that easy for you to say you'd gladly make time.
One more thing, not that I didn't. I tried to find time when I could. I even wanted to put work aside and maybe sleep later so I can catch a meal with you on Monday. Look where that thought ended? Cold war again. Only because I didn't go over to fetch you, so I could clean up as much as I could and spend the time with you at your house later on.
So don't tell me about going out because you only have male friends. I don't even get the chance to go out anywhere with anyone. After work, free time = you. I'm not even sad about that, in fact each time I look forward to moments where submissions are in and I can spend time with you. However....most of the time we end up wasting that time in a cold war instead. Just like how we're gonna be wasting tomorrow, and Thursday.
I don't work over at your house, because most of the time I can't. I don't have to consider, or try for that matter. I needed the desktop and everything that is in it. If my work only required a sketchbook and pencil. No problem, I wouldn't hesitate working there like how I did the last time. Yet fact is, most of the time my work involves digital tampering....so it's not much of a choice is it?
I don't stay over because I can't. You know very well the reason why.
You tell me none of my plans include you? Ya know....I'm really sad to hear such a thing from you. ALL my free time after work, as long as I can find it I give to you. You call that exclusive from you? If I didn't include you in my plans, I wouldn't have bothered. I would have went out with friends when they asked. Did I? Nope, I rejected them because I only ever thought of giving my limited free time to you.
And what exactly do I complain? About my work? Cause I'm stressed up over it and I wanted someone to share it with. You tell me about your school stuff too, you need someone to share with. That's what both of us being in a relationship is for isn't it? Someone close as a confidant.
You tell me this is not a normal relationship? Go look around, ask around. See who is in your definition of "normal" relationship. Those who are probably can't care less about their work at all. If that's what you call a normal relationship where both parties only spend time with each other and neglect everything else....then I am speechless.
Like I said before, you wanna compare me to your sister's boyfriend. Yeah by all means go ahead. Your sister might probably end up in a shit cesspool if her boyfriend continues living his life like this. I work hard now, we'll get a comfortable life, we can enjoy life with each other's company. Our kids won't need to suffer.
See how much difference that makes from just simply fetching you from school?
If that's the kind of boyfriend you want: someone who has no aim in life, wanders around and leads you into a shitty future with nothing but only love....again...I am speechless.
You say I don't treat you the way you deserve. By all means of it, I think I'm already doing my best and better than many out there.
I have known couples where the guy is free as shit and doesn't care less about spending time with his gal.
I have known couples who won't bother finding time at all. Where meeting is no more than a mere coincidence for them.
I have known couples where the guy goes around with other girls even though he already has a gal.
Yes, I admit myself it's really little time I have for you.
YET, I believe I care for you, I want a future with you.
I believe I find any time I can squeeze out for you, ignoring my friends totally.
I believe I don't flirt around with anyone else, I don't even talk to them for that matter, all for you.
So I don't treat you what you deserved? Maybe you'd like a guy like I stated above? Or maybe one with no future?
You say next week will be the same as always. Isn't it so? Isn't that so for millions and millions of people out there?
What do you expect? A trip to france to admire the lavender fields? Or maybe a trip to japan for you experience the place? That's just what it is. That's just how mundane life can get until you reach a point where you are financially comfortable to enjoy life even if it means not working.
Ya know, I don't get the luxury to do nothing but play for 2 years. I get a week like that, I'll be over the moon already. I don't even dare to think of only play for 2 whole years. So how will life be any different than what it is now?
You say you are envious of other couples, then can you name me a few you know? Then tell me in detail how their life functions? I'd like to learn from them.
So your sis is having a better love life....just simply because her boyfriend picks her up from school? That's it...?
I never bullied you. Tell me how have I?
Seen other girls?
Physically abused you?
Ask you to pay for everything?
How have I bullied you?
Having limited time is bully? When that time is spent on important things and not play? That's bully?
You keep saying you want to leave. Now I know how you felt back then when I kept giving up. Only difference is, back then deep down I really wanted to stay. That was why you say something...and I stayed. Because that was what I really wanted. To stay by your side.
Yet....you seem very determined to leave aren't you? Since you seem to hate this relationship so much....
Yet again, I don't expect you to accept any of the explanations I gave above, since you'll just have a different opinion to mine.
Really...lingg....some things when said is hard to be retracted...
I know I love you, and I miss you. I don't doubt those. No one knows how one feels except the person himself/herself. That's how I feel. Or maybe the way we express that love...is different too...?
To be honest, I have lessons till 6.30 today as I said. In fact, it delayed by half an hour. How was I supposed to be free? I still have a submission tomorrow.
As for wednesday, for the first time in this week I'm able to take a breather and spend time with you because all major submissions in this week are done by tomorrow. I won't have lessons on thursday either because it shifted over to today. Know what that means? I have 2 days for you. What are we gonna waste this on? A cold war. I draw time when I can, whenever I can. Then is it my fault you are booked on Thursday? For god's sake, I don't even go out with my friends anymore, in fact..0. I don't get the luxury you do, of which you can still meet your jie when you need to.
All you have to do is tell me about it and I'll understand. I don't go out with friends anymore. Why? Ever thought why? I don't go out with them because I have work to do. Any free time I get, I give them to you. Not to them.
Remember when you came back one day and saw me sleeping on your bed? Initially I wouldn't be able to head over because I had to do my UV unwrappings on my home desktop. My laptop is too laggy for that and you don't have the software at your house either. Later when I swapped it with my friend, I went over. Thought why? Because I didn't need my desktop anymore. Any work I didn't specifically require my desktop to do, I could do at your house.
Unless you wanna tell me you have the softwares I need at your house too, and that your desktop can support the memory intensive programs required. Sure, no problem I could head over to do my work there. No complaints.
The thing here is? I can't. I need that desktop to finish those stuff up and so I do not have a choice in that. Unless you wanna ask me to forego all my assignments and fail them instead? I'm sorry....I can't do that.
Now let's move on to weekends.
Study and work. Tell me which weekends when I didn't have any urgent workload that I didn't spend time with you? Any weekends I got when I have nothing urgent to do up, I gave my time to you.
You talk about my family day. You wanna guess something? Know when was the last time I went out with my family? All 4 of us, my mum, dad, sis and myself. Know when was the last time? You don't know, I'll tell you. 5 months since the last time I went out with them. You? You just went out with them last week.
I didn't say nothing about that even when you forbade me to go look for furniture with my parents few weeks back. I even gave them the stupid excuse that I had a splitting headache. Why? Just in the hope that you wouldn't get mad.
Family day, I haven't had it in awhile and I daren't even ask for it. Cause I know what your reaction will be. So don't tell me about family day when you get it, and I don't. Not that I complaint about it either.
Most of the time you head over. True, but that was awhile back. There was this time I head over everyday. Then there was this time you came over everyday. Now I went over everytime so long as I had the time and didn't need that desktop of mine. Yet you want me to ask you to come over.
Could I say so? I know you don't really like my house. So I didn't ask whenever I had to stay home.
I know I'll probably get "why? Can't you come over instead?" and if I tell you the reason, we'll be in a cold war again. Do you see the point? I dare not ask. I know what the end result will be and I'd rather not risk that....because I don't wanna waste time with something as pointless as a cold war.
You make time for me. Yes I know, and it's easier for you. Like you said before, I am your dream. I am your passion. Am I not right? It's easy for you to put aside your work, something that you don't really exactly like don't you?
Also remember, your course is an exam based course, mine isn't. Sure you have to practise and all, I know. But no constant submissions one after another. Where almost every week, you get a deadline for a submission.
Guess what? That's what's happening for my course. I don't get the luxury to practise on my free time because it's just submission after submission. Maybe if you were in my course, it wouldn't be that easy for you to say you'd gladly make time.
One more thing, not that I didn't. I tried to find time when I could. I even wanted to put work aside and maybe sleep later so I can catch a meal with you on Monday. Look where that thought ended? Cold war again. Only because I didn't go over to fetch you, so I could clean up as much as I could and spend the time with you at your house later on.
So don't tell me about going out because you only have male friends. I don't even get the chance to go out anywhere with anyone. After work, free time = you. I'm not even sad about that, in fact each time I look forward to moments where submissions are in and I can spend time with you. However....most of the time we end up wasting that time in a cold war instead. Just like how we're gonna be wasting tomorrow, and Thursday.
I don't work over at your house, because most of the time I can't. I don't have to consider, or try for that matter. I needed the desktop and everything that is in it. If my work only required a sketchbook and pencil. No problem, I wouldn't hesitate working there like how I did the last time. Yet fact is, most of the time my work involves digital tampering....so it's not much of a choice is it?
I don't stay over because I can't. You know very well the reason why.
You tell me none of my plans include you? Ya know....I'm really sad to hear such a thing from you. ALL my free time after work, as long as I can find it I give to you. You call that exclusive from you? If I didn't include you in my plans, I wouldn't have bothered. I would have went out with friends when they asked. Did I? Nope, I rejected them because I only ever thought of giving my limited free time to you.
And what exactly do I complain? About my work? Cause I'm stressed up over it and I wanted someone to share it with. You tell me about your school stuff too, you need someone to share with. That's what both of us being in a relationship is for isn't it? Someone close as a confidant.
You tell me this is not a normal relationship? Go look around, ask around. See who is in your definition of "normal" relationship. Those who are probably can't care less about their work at all. If that's what you call a normal relationship where both parties only spend time with each other and neglect everything else....then I am speechless.
Like I said before, you wanna compare me to your sister's boyfriend. Yeah by all means go ahead. Your sister might probably end up in a shit cesspool if her boyfriend continues living his life like this. I work hard now, we'll get a comfortable life, we can enjoy life with each other's company. Our kids won't need to suffer.
See how much difference that makes from just simply fetching you from school?
If that's the kind of boyfriend you want: someone who has no aim in life, wanders around and leads you into a shitty future with nothing but only love....again...I am speechless.
You say I don't treat you the way you deserve. By all means of it, I think I'm already doing my best and better than many out there.
I have known couples where the guy is free as shit and doesn't care less about spending time with his gal.
I have known couples who won't bother finding time at all. Where meeting is no more than a mere coincidence for them.
I have known couples where the guy goes around with other girls even though he already has a gal.
Yes, I admit myself it's really little time I have for you.
YET, I believe I care for you, I want a future with you.
I believe I find any time I can squeeze out for you, ignoring my friends totally.
I believe I don't flirt around with anyone else, I don't even talk to them for that matter, all for you.
So I don't treat you what you deserved? Maybe you'd like a guy like I stated above? Or maybe one with no future?
You say next week will be the same as always. Isn't it so? Isn't that so for millions and millions of people out there?
What do you expect? A trip to france to admire the lavender fields? Or maybe a trip to japan for you experience the place? That's just what it is. That's just how mundane life can get until you reach a point where you are financially comfortable to enjoy life even if it means not working.
Ya know, I don't get the luxury to do nothing but play for 2 years. I get a week like that, I'll be over the moon already. I don't even dare to think of only play for 2 whole years. So how will life be any different than what it is now?
You say you are envious of other couples, then can you name me a few you know? Then tell me in detail how their life functions? I'd like to learn from them.
So your sis is having a better love life....just simply because her boyfriend picks her up from school? That's it...?
I never bullied you. Tell me how have I?
Seen other girls?
Physically abused you?
Ask you to pay for everything?
How have I bullied you?
Having limited time is bully? When that time is spent on important things and not play? That's bully?
You keep saying you want to leave. Now I know how you felt back then when I kept giving up. Only difference is, back then deep down I really wanted to stay. That was why you say something...and I stayed. Because that was what I really wanted. To stay by your side.
Yet....you seem very determined to leave aren't you? Since you seem to hate this relationship so much....
Yet again, I don't expect you to accept any of the explanations I gave above, since you'll just have a different opinion to mine.
Really...lingg....some things when said is hard to be retracted...
I know I love you, and I miss you. I don't doubt those. No one knows how one feels except the person himself/herself. That's how I feel. Or maybe the way we express that love...is different too...?
