Saturday, July 16, 2011, 12:47 PM
Hey...
I don't know if you'll see this post, since you said you wouldn't come by anymore...but I'm still gonna pen these down.
So if you do happen to read this...please don't stop till the end okay...?
Lingg...I knew you were upset when you couldn't see me. I knew that it was so because you missed me...but sometimes...it just can't be helped. I can't skip deadlines...
Ya know, not all couples get to see each other everyday, at least not until they get married. I guess...also one of the reasons why I wanted so bad to just fast forward that time and marry you, so I could live with you...see you every single day.
I'm sorry lingo...I'm not you. I...I can't always pretend nothing has happened when it already did. I don't know how you could, I tried yet ultimately...it ain't easy at all.
We aren't just like any couples out there lingg....the amount of quarrels we had in these 4 months could probably have lasted another couple a few years. I'd like to share something with you.
I have this schoolmate, in group 02. I'm in 03. His name is William Ten, and his girlfriend was in the same class with him, her name is Joey Khoo. I always saw them together, happy smiling and all everytime in school. At times when we quarreled, I envied them. Sometimes I even held them as my role model for love.
Yet...it wasn't till 2 weeks back when I saw for the first time his girlfriend leaving school without him. I got curious and asked william. I was shocked ya know? He told me they weren't as loving as I thought they were. They quarreled almost every week too, for almost the same reasons between you and me, and it just so happens they were ok everytime I saw them.
I didn't say it...but I was reminded of us. How our actions outside would really put people behind bars of envy.
William told me too he was really tired, and for some reason...I could really relate to what he was feeling. He told me he really felt like putting things down...although he still loved Joey, he was just so exhausted. William is a nice guy, I could vouch for that. Knowing him for a year and half, he never flirted with any girls, he never gawked at any outside...he was good to Joey.
However, just like us...just like me...even though we still love our partners, we were too exhausted to carry on.
Ya know...what eventually brought us here today...we were both at fault. For you, sometimes...you pushed too hard. I would compromise but you kept pushing and pushing till things ended awry. For me, I didn't had enough for you, that I don't deny....and also I over-complicate things too. That something minor would appear serious to me. All of these came together slowly and eventually left us here. Tired and beaten.
Here...I just have to admit defeat. I really...don't know how to handle you lingg...I'm sorry...
I don't wanna start another conflict here...but just saying these with a rational mind. I never stirred up any trouble, or maybe I did. Yet...have you thought that the part of me stirring trouble would never have occured...if we never got into a quarrel? The beginning of a quarrel was what eventually brought me there. I was so sad everytime something like that happened...
Ya know...your accusation that I don't love you was as good as the last time where I said you treated me as a punching bag.
If you ever want to remove that ring....there is nothing I can do about it. That never crossed my mind, despite us at our current situation today. I still wanted others to know that I'm still attached. Even if not physically...emotionally I was. My heart is still attached to you.
I know how painful this has been for you...so if you wanna remove everything, make things easier for yourself, I'd understand. For me I won't, I will put things where they are. My facebook pic, my msn pic, even that calendar. To tell myself, to tell others that I once had you. How much I still love you even when things have ended here...
I wanna keep these memories. My exhaustion physically and mentally finally forbade me to create more memories, but I'll never forsake those I already have of us, of you...
Ya know...like you guessed, she looked me up again. The one from my school. Tried asking me out 2 days back but I rejected her. She even waited outside my class yesterday, but I sneaked out of the other door when class was over. I too hope there could be someone to ease my this pain, someone I could talk to now that you're not here anymore. Yet....I didn't wanna make myself feel like I was betraying you. I know...we may not be possible anymore. Yet my faith in keeping to you....still lives on. Guess that's the only thing...that never exhausted in me.
I won't expect you to do the same. You can look for someone else if you'd like...you're not mine anymore so I don't have any rights to forbid you. You won't be betraying me either. I understand...
Why did I let you go even though I loved you? Lingg...remember the period where you came over everyday? Then came this moment you told me how exhausted you were too? Not just physically but mentally as well? Then you wanted to give up too...I stopped you. You loved me at that moment didn't you? Then why did you decide to let me go then? My mindset now, would probably be what you were thinking of back then when you had that thought...
Don't worry...I won't get any girl soon. Not anytime soon. Or maybe I won't for a few years...
Lingg....this does not mark the end of everything. We're probably just...not in each other's destiny. Yet you could be in that of another guy. You won't stand alone eventually, and you won't die alone either. You'll have that someone beside you when you go, believe in that. I hope...you can find someone who can really handle you like how you wanted. Maybe just....the next time...go easier on him...whoever he may be...
Lingg...if you are reading this, if you're still reading at this point...please don't stop blogging.
Keep writing your story. I wanna read it, I wanna how your life will turn out, even if it meant reading about your times with another guy...I still wanna read it. To know that you are living well...I hope you will continue writing.
I visit your blog and facebook every time too...every few minutes I'll find myself clicking on those links. I guess...for the very same reason as you. I...didn't want you to be someone else's either...
Lingo...I'll be yours always...
But I couldn't be your future...
I wasn't happy anymore...just constant fear...fear everyday...
I too wished...what you said there on your blog would come true...
I still so bad wanna sleep on the same queen sized bed with you...
I still so bad wanna ditch that ring of our's and put on a real engagement ring...
I still so bad wanna see you in a wedding gown...
I still so bad wanna walk down the aisle with and exchange our vows...
I still so bad wanna take you around the world, to places you wanna go...
I still so bad wanna hold your hand till wrinkles appear on our faces...
I still so bad wanna be by your side when your body can't go on anymore...
I still so bad....wanna embrace you till the end of time....
Sometimes...I really wanna text you. Yet...I'm so afraid...that eventually I decide not to...
You said you lost your purpose without me, that the only thing that made it interesting is gone...it's the same for me too.
I wake up now, sometimes I feel so lost...like there's no direction. You were always the thing I looked forward to. Now it's no more. When I'm bored and alone...if we were together, we'd be texting. You'd be calling me boon! and I'll be calling you child! Now...it's no more and...it feels so outta place...
You were my direction in life. My work was my direction in passion. Don't ever mix those up lingg....
I too, feel so lost and outta purpose without you around. Yet I know...I was the one who chose to walk this path...
Yes...I'll be better off without you. I'll also be worse off without you. Better where I do not have to go through the daily torment of fear anymore....and worse off...because I have lost the one who gave me direction in my life.
Yes...there may be fear and all now...but I really never regretted knowing you. Sigh...there are some things...I don't know how to explain...guess I'll just leave them as it is. Like you said...some things are better left unsaid.
Lingg,
I don't doubt that you miss me, and I know it...
I don't doubt the fact that I have always been on your mind...
I don't doubt the reminiscense of the moments we've had all these while...
I don't doubt that you need me...
I don't doubt that you love me...I know lingg...I know...
And I'll keep thay love of your's close...
Lingg,
I don't doubt your feelings...so I hope you won't doubt mine either...
Dont doubt that...
I miss you too. I really do...
I wanna embrace you so much...
I wanna hold that hand of your's again...
I really...wanted a future for us...
I'll miss those times where we were happy...
And finally....that I love you lingg...
Don't doubt that please...
My heart...will be your's too till the end of time, as will my soul and faith...
Keep them close...too...yeah? :')
Lingg,
I can't begin to describe how bad I wanna salvage this...I want to...
Yet even if I did....would anything...change....?
Boon misses the child....
Boon was yours, is yours, and will always...be yours.
Please...remember Boon okay...? ;(
I won't say goodbye, because my heart never forsaken you. I just hope....you will live your life better....
I wish I could give you another kiss....but guess now I can only do it here...
Lingg.....muacks....
I'm sorry...
-Boon-
I don't know if you'll see this post, since you said you wouldn't come by anymore...but I'm still gonna pen these down.
So if you do happen to read this...please don't stop till the end okay...?
Lingg...I knew you were upset when you couldn't see me. I knew that it was so because you missed me...but sometimes...it just can't be helped. I can't skip deadlines...
Ya know, not all couples get to see each other everyday, at least not until they get married. I guess...also one of the reasons why I wanted so bad to just fast forward that time and marry you, so I could live with you...see you every single day.
I'm sorry lingo...I'm not you. I...I can't always pretend nothing has happened when it already did. I don't know how you could, I tried yet ultimately...it ain't easy at all.
We aren't just like any couples out there lingg....the amount of quarrels we had in these 4 months could probably have lasted another couple a few years. I'd like to share something with you.
I have this schoolmate, in group 02. I'm in 03. His name is William Ten, and his girlfriend was in the same class with him, her name is Joey Khoo. I always saw them together, happy smiling and all everytime in school. At times when we quarreled, I envied them. Sometimes I even held them as my role model for love.
Yet...it wasn't till 2 weeks back when I saw for the first time his girlfriend leaving school without him. I got curious and asked william. I was shocked ya know? He told me they weren't as loving as I thought they were. They quarreled almost every week too, for almost the same reasons between you and me, and it just so happens they were ok everytime I saw them.
I didn't say it...but I was reminded of us. How our actions outside would really put people behind bars of envy.
William told me too he was really tired, and for some reason...I could really relate to what he was feeling. He told me he really felt like putting things down...although he still loved Joey, he was just so exhausted. William is a nice guy, I could vouch for that. Knowing him for a year and half, he never flirted with any girls, he never gawked at any outside...he was good to Joey.
However, just like us...just like me...even though we still love our partners, we were too exhausted to carry on.
Ya know...what eventually brought us here today...we were both at fault. For you, sometimes...you pushed too hard. I would compromise but you kept pushing and pushing till things ended awry. For me, I didn't had enough for you, that I don't deny....and also I over-complicate things too. That something minor would appear serious to me. All of these came together slowly and eventually left us here. Tired and beaten.
Here...I just have to admit defeat. I really...don't know how to handle you lingg...I'm sorry...
I don't wanna start another conflict here...but just saying these with a rational mind. I never stirred up any trouble, or maybe I did. Yet...have you thought that the part of me stirring trouble would never have occured...if we never got into a quarrel? The beginning of a quarrel was what eventually brought me there. I was so sad everytime something like that happened...
Ya know...your accusation that I don't love you was as good as the last time where I said you treated me as a punching bag.
If you ever want to remove that ring....there is nothing I can do about it. That never crossed my mind, despite us at our current situation today. I still wanted others to know that I'm still attached. Even if not physically...emotionally I was. My heart is still attached to you.
I know how painful this has been for you...so if you wanna remove everything, make things easier for yourself, I'd understand. For me I won't, I will put things where they are. My facebook pic, my msn pic, even that calendar. To tell myself, to tell others that I once had you. How much I still love you even when things have ended here...
I wanna keep these memories. My exhaustion physically and mentally finally forbade me to create more memories, but I'll never forsake those I already have of us, of you...
Ya know...like you guessed, she looked me up again. The one from my school. Tried asking me out 2 days back but I rejected her. She even waited outside my class yesterday, but I sneaked out of the other door when class was over. I too hope there could be someone to ease my this pain, someone I could talk to now that you're not here anymore. Yet....I didn't wanna make myself feel like I was betraying you. I know...we may not be possible anymore. Yet my faith in keeping to you....still lives on. Guess that's the only thing...that never exhausted in me.
I won't expect you to do the same. You can look for someone else if you'd like...you're not mine anymore so I don't have any rights to forbid you. You won't be betraying me either. I understand...
Why did I let you go even though I loved you? Lingg...remember the period where you came over everyday? Then came this moment you told me how exhausted you were too? Not just physically but mentally as well? Then you wanted to give up too...I stopped you. You loved me at that moment didn't you? Then why did you decide to let me go then? My mindset now, would probably be what you were thinking of back then when you had that thought...
Don't worry...I won't get any girl soon. Not anytime soon. Or maybe I won't for a few years...
Lingg....this does not mark the end of everything. We're probably just...not in each other's destiny. Yet you could be in that of another guy. You won't stand alone eventually, and you won't die alone either. You'll have that someone beside you when you go, believe in that. I hope...you can find someone who can really handle you like how you wanted. Maybe just....the next time...go easier on him...whoever he may be...
Lingg...if you are reading this, if you're still reading at this point...please don't stop blogging.
Keep writing your story. I wanna read it, I wanna how your life will turn out, even if it meant reading about your times with another guy...I still wanna read it. To know that you are living well...I hope you will continue writing.
I visit your blog and facebook every time too...every few minutes I'll find myself clicking on those links. I guess...for the very same reason as you. I...didn't want you to be someone else's either...
Lingo...I'll be yours always...
But I couldn't be your future...
I wasn't happy anymore...just constant fear...fear everyday...
I too wished...what you said there on your blog would come true...
I still so bad wanna sleep on the same queen sized bed with you...
I still so bad wanna ditch that ring of our's and put on a real engagement ring...
I still so bad wanna see you in a wedding gown...
I still so bad wanna walk down the aisle with and exchange our vows...
I still so bad wanna take you around the world, to places you wanna go...
I still so bad wanna hold your hand till wrinkles appear on our faces...
I still so bad wanna be by your side when your body can't go on anymore...
I still so bad....wanna embrace you till the end of time....
Sometimes...I really wanna text you. Yet...I'm so afraid...that eventually I decide not to...
You said you lost your purpose without me, that the only thing that made it interesting is gone...it's the same for me too.
I wake up now, sometimes I feel so lost...like there's no direction. You were always the thing I looked forward to. Now it's no more. When I'm bored and alone...if we were together, we'd be texting. You'd be calling me boon! and I'll be calling you child! Now...it's no more and...it feels so outta place...
You were my direction in life. My work was my direction in passion. Don't ever mix those up lingg....
I too, feel so lost and outta purpose without you around. Yet I know...I was the one who chose to walk this path...
Yes...I'll be better off without you. I'll also be worse off without you. Better where I do not have to go through the daily torment of fear anymore....and worse off...because I have lost the one who gave me direction in my life.
Yes...there may be fear and all now...but I really never regretted knowing you. Sigh...there are some things...I don't know how to explain...guess I'll just leave them as it is. Like you said...some things are better left unsaid.
Lingg,
I don't doubt that you miss me, and I know it...
I don't doubt the fact that I have always been on your mind...
I don't doubt the reminiscense of the moments we've had all these while...
I don't doubt that you need me...
I don't doubt that you love me...I know lingg...I know...
And I'll keep thay love of your's close...
Lingg,
I don't doubt your feelings...so I hope you won't doubt mine either...
Dont doubt that...
I miss you too. I really do...
I wanna embrace you so much...
I wanna hold that hand of your's again...
I really...wanted a future for us...
I'll miss those times where we were happy...
And finally....that I love you lingg...
Don't doubt that please...
My heart...will be your's too till the end of time, as will my soul and faith...
Keep them close...too...yeah? :')
Lingg,
I can't begin to describe how bad I wanna salvage this...I want to...
Yet even if I did....would anything...change....?
Boon misses the child....
Boon was yours, is yours, and will always...be yours.
Please...remember Boon okay...? ;(
I won't say goodbye, because my heart never forsaken you. I just hope....you will live your life better....
I wish I could give you another kiss....but guess now I can only do it here...
Lingg.....muacks....
I'm sorry...
-Boon-
