Saturday, July 30, 2011, 8:20 PM
You know, if someone..or something gave me 3 wishes now.
They will be as follow:
1. I wish I never had to choose between my beloved girl and my dream
2. I wish to be with her forever
3. I wish for her to be the one and only love of my life...
Yet...if only I had 3 wishes....
They will be as follow:
1. I wish I never had to choose between my beloved girl and my dream
2. I wish to be with her forever
3. I wish for her to be the one and only love of my life...
Yet...if only I had 3 wishes....
Hmm....
So....two persons, clearly still deeply in love with the other. Yet not together....
Is that still considered a relationship...?
I hope it is...
So....two persons, clearly still deeply in love with the other. Yet not together....
Is that still considered a relationship...?
I hope it is...
Thursday, July 28, 2011, 10:37 PM
Finally stopping work after I don't know how many hours of it ~.~
Woke at 12 odd and started work at 1. Stopped at around only 10.30pm, how many hours is that? xD
But hey, I was having fun man! Painting!!! Luckily it wasn't 3D stuff, or I'd have stopped after maybe 2 hours or so =x
So....yesterday lingg came over to my house. We were chatting and all. Then started covering each other's eyes. I really missed her....
Then I don't know why...when her eyes were covered...I kissed her lips. I don't know if it was right...since we weren't together anymore. Yet...I couldn't control myself.
Then we started kissing :O
I don't know what really went on in our minds but yeah. Then she later went on at around 2 odd in the morning. I gave her money to take cab, my fault she was out so late. Only right I pay for the cab fee.
Anyway, only found out today that lingo came to my blog all this while. Well...usually there would be lots of views linked to her blog. Then when things happened...it slowly went down and eventually...there was none left. I thought then...she never came on again to my blog. I started losing the motivation to blog...
My blog was only meant for her eyes, it was all about her. When no one was gonna look at it anymore...I didn't had the drive to blog. No one's gonna see it anyway.
Yet she came on all this while, wonder why the source wasn't traced =/
Oh well, right gonna take a good rest. I'm so damn tired after so many hours of work. Think my back's gonna be hurting again, I've been sitting like forever ~.~
Somehow....I'm still hoping...haha...
Woke at 12 odd and started work at 1. Stopped at around only 10.30pm, how many hours is that? xD
But hey, I was having fun man! Painting!!! Luckily it wasn't 3D stuff, or I'd have stopped after maybe 2 hours or so =x
So....yesterday lingg came over to my house. We were chatting and all. Then started covering each other's eyes. I really missed her....
Then I don't know why...when her eyes were covered...I kissed her lips. I don't know if it was right...since we weren't together anymore. Yet...I couldn't control myself.
Then we started kissing :O
I don't know what really went on in our minds but yeah. Then she later went on at around 2 odd in the morning. I gave her money to take cab, my fault she was out so late. Only right I pay for the cab fee.
Anyway, only found out today that lingo came to my blog all this while. Well...usually there would be lots of views linked to her blog. Then when things happened...it slowly went down and eventually...there was none left. I thought then...she never came on again to my blog. I started losing the motivation to blog...
My blog was only meant for her eyes, it was all about her. When no one was gonna look at it anymore...I didn't had the drive to blog. No one's gonna see it anyway.
Yet she came on all this while, wonder why the source wasn't traced =/
Oh well, right gonna take a good rest. I'm so damn tired after so many hours of work. Think my back's gonna be hurting again, I've been sitting like forever ~.~
Somehow....I'm still hoping...haha...
Monday, July 25, 2011, 10:05 PM
Don't know if I should continue posting...since she doesn't come by anymore. And there isn't anyone else who'd read about my life.
Yet...I don't want this blog to die...
:(
Yet...I don't want this blog to die...
:(
Sunday, July 24, 2011, 3:54 AM
I love you lingg....
Hope you'll have a good 24th July...
Hope you'll have a good 24th July...
Saturday, July 23, 2011, 11:55 PM
24th July...
Happy 5th monthsary... :')
Really miss her real bad...
Nights everyone. May 24th July be a good day for all of you out there.
Happy 5th monthsary... :')
Really miss her real bad...
Nights everyone. May 24th July be a good day for all of you out there.
One and a half hour more :)
four and a half hours more :)
Gosh ~.~ Can't believe I slept for 12 whole hours, got a splitting headache now.
It's 2 and haven't had my shake and lunch yet!! So screwed =x
Oh well, hope today goes well, got stuff to rush up for group member. Of all time to go overseas he had to pick next week ~.~ More work for me :(
10 more hours and...yeah. 24th of July.
Guess that now....is gonna be another ordinary day :')
It's 2 and haven't had my shake and lunch yet!! So screwed =x
Oh well, hope today goes well, got stuff to rush up for group member. Of all time to go overseas he had to pick next week ~.~ More work for me :(
10 more hours and...yeah. 24th of July.
Guess that now....is gonna be another ordinary day :')
Friday, July 22, 2011, 9:15 PM
I wish I could tell her something...
Anyways...was on my way back home from jurong point after dinner, and there was this lady beside me that smelt like childlinbby. Probably the shampoo? Well, in any case, it reminded me of her :')
Sigh...
So much work over the weekends too...feel so exhausted. Holidays please come on faster...can't take this anymore :(
Anyways...was on my way back home from jurong point after dinner, and there was this lady beside me that smelt like childlinbby. Probably the shampoo? Well, in any case, it reminded me of her :')
Sigh...
So much work over the weekends too...feel so exhausted. Holidays please come on faster...can't take this anymore :(
Thursday, July 21, 2011, 8:40 PM
It's been almost a week since she last updated her blog. Looks like she was serious when she said it'd be her last post...
To think I still check back every single time, each time hoping there would be something different... :')
Each time walking away disappointed...
I wonder what's she doing right now....
I'm still wearing our ring...are you?
To think I still check back every single time, each time hoping there would be something different... :')
Each time walking away disappointed...
I wonder what's she doing right now....
I'm still wearing our ring...are you?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011, 10:02 PM
So much work ararara :(
I have set new goals!
Instead of Digipen in Washington,
After my NS, I'll take the year long course at Feng Zhu design for conceptual arts. Then~~~~ after that I will be industry ready (hopefully), then apply for Art Center College of Design in Pasaden, California.
Did you see that???? :D CALIFORNIA!! The freaking school is in california, my dream place to settle in!
If my application fails cause my portfolio isn't good enough yet, I'll move on into the industry first and work a couple of years...rack up some experience. Once ready again, I'll try again till I get in!
Forget Digipen! Let's onward to ACCD!
I can't wait :O All the top conceptual artists in the world came from that school, I wanna be that good too :)
Mum just left for hong kong 15 minutes ago. Hope she'll have a safe and enjoyable trip with her pals :)
Work!
I have set new goals!
Instead of Digipen in Washington,
After my NS, I'll take the year long course at Feng Zhu design for conceptual arts. Then~~~~ after that I will be industry ready (hopefully), then apply for Art Center College of Design in Pasaden, California.
Did you see that???? :D CALIFORNIA!! The freaking school is in california, my dream place to settle in!
If my application fails cause my portfolio isn't good enough yet, I'll move on into the industry first and work a couple of years...rack up some experience. Once ready again, I'll try again till I get in!
Forget Digipen! Let's onward to ACCD!
I can't wait :O All the top conceptual artists in the world came from that school, I wanna be that good too :)
Mum just left for hong kong 15 minutes ago. Hope she'll have a safe and enjoyable trip with her pals :)
Work!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011, 10:15 PM
Finally done with my character postures ~.~ so hard to find something appealing...
I have to wake at like 5:40 tomorrow? ~.~ gosh....hate the 8am class, and that's not the worse part. The worst is, after the main lesson schedule tomorrow, we have to stay back for this dumb student conference thingy from 4-6 ~.~ ahhhh!
Waste of my time =/
Napped just now and had a nightmare ~.~ Haven't been sleeping well recently. Feel so freaking tired damn :(
So much work to do...and mostly irrelevant to what I wanna do in the future, so tempting to stop. Yet stopping means serving the useless army ~.~ Don't wanna serve this stupid country sighz...
2 years!! D;
Kinda wanna talk to her...but she probably won't reply anyways. She doesn't update her blog anymore...although I check in like every 5-10 minutes? ._.
Maybe I should stop checking by....
Sighs...doubt she even comes onto mine anymore. It's so hard to love someone isn't it?
I have to wake at like 5:40 tomorrow? ~.~ gosh....hate the 8am class, and that's not the worse part. The worst is, after the main lesson schedule tomorrow, we have to stay back for this dumb student conference thingy from 4-6 ~.~ ahhhh!
Waste of my time =/
Napped just now and had a nightmare ~.~ Haven't been sleeping well recently. Feel so freaking tired damn :(
So much work to do...and mostly irrelevant to what I wanna do in the future, so tempting to stop. Yet stopping means serving the useless army ~.~ Don't wanna serve this stupid country sighz...
2 years!! D;
Kinda wanna talk to her...but she probably won't reply anyways. She doesn't update her blog anymore...although I check in like every 5-10 minutes? ._.
Maybe I should stop checking by....
Sighs...doubt she even comes onto mine anymore. It's so hard to love someone isn't it?
I miss her...
Woke up this morning to the calender beside me :')
Guess I'm lucky I didn't lie on it =x
Woke up 20 minutes earlier this morning to make my protein shake. Gotta wake 20 minutes earlier everyday now D;
Oh well...no sacrifice...no gain =/
"Would you let other girls wear your jacket just like how you'd let me wear your's ? th thought is kinda ... ewe ..." Saw this on her facebook page...
Well guess she still doubts how I feel towards her...I understand I guess...
I have no idea why, maybe if I was in the past, might've been gawking at girls with friends. I don't have that urge at all now...it's already over yet my heart still refuses to move along...just can't stop thinking of her.
Oh well...
Right...just some random mumble here, guess I'll go catch a nap. So tired ~.~
Guess I'm lucky I didn't lie on it =x
Woke up 20 minutes earlier this morning to make my protein shake. Gotta wake 20 minutes earlier everyday now D;
Oh well...no sacrifice...no gain =/
"Would you let other girls wear your jacket just like how you'd let me wear your's ? th thought is kinda ... ewe ..." Saw this on her facebook page...
Well guess she still doubts how I feel towards her...I understand I guess...
I have no idea why, maybe if I was in the past, might've been gawking at girls with friends. I don't have that urge at all now...it's already over yet my heart still refuses to move along...just can't stop thinking of her.
Oh well...
Right...just some random mumble here, guess I'll go catch a nap. So tired ~.~
Monday, July 18, 2011, 10:52 PM
Good nights lingo...
Hugging the calender to sleep tonight...
Hugging the calender to sleep tonight...
Alright, took in about 3k worth of calories today. That's about 800 more than my body will need.
Keep this up for 2-3 months...and hopefully I can gain weight. I hope it works....this is the last possile resort =/
Time to keep a healthy lifestyle.
Rawr sleep early rise early...and maybe next time after moving...
I could jog at bedok park ^^
Make myself nice and fit. Ah well...all that's only possible if I can put on weight =/
Hmm...still remember her telling me that she likes the partition beside the window. So she could like slack by the window, do work, read and stuff. Reminds me of my room next time, I'll have that....
Guess there won't be a chance to share it with her...
Oh well....right 1 more hour to protein shake time~~
Keep this up for 2-3 months...and hopefully I can gain weight. I hope it works....this is the last possile resort =/
Time to keep a healthy lifestyle.
Rawr sleep early rise early...and maybe next time after moving...
I could jog at bedok park ^^
Make myself nice and fit. Ah well...all that's only possible if I can put on weight =/
Hmm...still remember her telling me that she likes the partition beside the window. So she could like slack by the window, do work, read and stuff. Reminds me of my room next time, I'll have that....
Guess there won't be a chance to share it with her...
Oh well....right 1 more hour to protein shake time~~
Sunday, July 17, 2011, 9:22 PM
I wonder will she tell me her new blog when she creates it...
Doubt so....
Finally got some protein powder, hope they work =/
Doubt so....
Finally got some protein powder, hope they work =/
Gosh....woke up at 3 to a splitting headache ~.~
So really tempting to go back to bed...no idea why...
Nothing much to do now, so maybe I'll drop by jurong point for dinner. Maybe pick up some tako and then head back home and finish up some work.
So damn tired ahhhh ~.~
Hmm...
I wonder if she's still wearing the ring. Guess it's just a matter of time before she removes it :')
Oddly, it kinda really feels like I'm talking to myself...since she won't be dropping by her no more...
My ring is still so loose =/
So really tempting to go back to bed...no idea why...
Nothing much to do now, so maybe I'll drop by jurong point for dinner. Maybe pick up some tako and then head back home and finish up some work.
So damn tired ahhhh ~.~
Hmm...
I wonder if she's still wearing the ring. Guess it's just a matter of time before she removes it :')
Oddly, it kinda really feels like I'm talking to myself...since she won't be dropping by her no more...
My ring is still so loose =/
Couldn't really sleep...so went down to macdonalds to get some supper. I brought along my sketchbook too.
Got some mcnuggets and then after that...started random sketches on the people there.
There were still quite alot of people considering the hour...but I guess...well maybe all night owls. Or maybe...they're feeling down too?
Sat there and sketched for awhile before getting a drink, and then headed out. Decided to take another route home today, and then I passed by the playground.
I just stopped...then went to a nearby bench and sat there.
I looked at the playground and kinda reminded me of the time when we sat there chatting and laughing away. We were then talking about how the bangalas there would grab kids and start chewing them...then there was this bunch of students running about too. I also remembered there was this person, whom we initially thought was a guy...but realised later was actually a she when we heard a voice.
Wonder if the 'char siew rice' is still there...haha...
I even remembered, we took a picture of our feets with exchanged slippers...
Wind was pretty nice...so I sat there to enjoy the breeze a little.
Then felt a little tired, and decided to head home.
Got back, and did a little work...and just penned down my thoughts for the day.
Nearly 2...hope I catch some sleep...
Got some mcnuggets and then after that...started random sketches on the people there.
There were still quite alot of people considering the hour...but I guess...well maybe all night owls. Or maybe...they're feeling down too?
Sat there and sketched for awhile before getting a drink, and then headed out. Decided to take another route home today, and then I passed by the playground.
I just stopped...then went to a nearby bench and sat there.
I looked at the playground and kinda reminded me of the time when we sat there chatting and laughing away. We were then talking about how the bangalas there would grab kids and start chewing them...then there was this bunch of students running about too. I also remembered there was this person, whom we initially thought was a guy...but realised later was actually a she when we heard a voice.
Wonder if the 'char siew rice' is still there...haha...
I even remembered, we took a picture of our feets with exchanged slippers...
Wind was pretty nice...so I sat there to enjoy the breeze a little.
Then felt a little tired, and decided to head home.
Got back, and did a little work...and just penned down my thoughts for the day.
Nearly 2...hope I catch some sleep...
Saturday, July 16, 2011, 4:05 PM
Maybe I should forget about trying to talk to her....
She won't respond anymore...
I still wish that I could have her hands on me... :')
She won't respond anymore...
I still wish that I could have her hands on me... :')
How I wish to talk to her...
Hey...
I don't know if you'll see this post, since you said you wouldn't come by anymore...but I'm still gonna pen these down.
So if you do happen to read this...please don't stop till the end okay...?
Lingg...I knew you were upset when you couldn't see me. I knew that it was so because you missed me...but sometimes...it just can't be helped. I can't skip deadlines...
Ya know, not all couples get to see each other everyday, at least not until they get married. I guess...also one of the reasons why I wanted so bad to just fast forward that time and marry you, so I could live with you...see you every single day.
I'm sorry lingo...I'm not you. I...I can't always pretend nothing has happened when it already did. I don't know how you could, I tried yet ultimately...it ain't easy at all.
We aren't just like any couples out there lingg....the amount of quarrels we had in these 4 months could probably have lasted another couple a few years. I'd like to share something with you.
I have this schoolmate, in group 02. I'm in 03. His name is William Ten, and his girlfriend was in the same class with him, her name is Joey Khoo. I always saw them together, happy smiling and all everytime in school. At times when we quarreled, I envied them. Sometimes I even held them as my role model for love.
Yet...it wasn't till 2 weeks back when I saw for the first time his girlfriend leaving school without him. I got curious and asked william. I was shocked ya know? He told me they weren't as loving as I thought they were. They quarreled almost every week too, for almost the same reasons between you and me, and it just so happens they were ok everytime I saw them.
I didn't say it...but I was reminded of us. How our actions outside would really put people behind bars of envy.
William told me too he was really tired, and for some reason...I could really relate to what he was feeling. He told me he really felt like putting things down...although he still loved Joey, he was just so exhausted. William is a nice guy, I could vouch for that. Knowing him for a year and half, he never flirted with any girls, he never gawked at any outside...he was good to Joey.
However, just like us...just like me...even though we still love our partners, we were too exhausted to carry on.
Ya know...what eventually brought us here today...we were both at fault. For you, sometimes...you pushed too hard. I would compromise but you kept pushing and pushing till things ended awry. For me, I didn't had enough for you, that I don't deny....and also I over-complicate things too. That something minor would appear serious to me. All of these came together slowly and eventually left us here. Tired and beaten.
Here...I just have to admit defeat. I really...don't know how to handle you lingg...I'm sorry...
I don't wanna start another conflict here...but just saying these with a rational mind. I never stirred up any trouble, or maybe I did. Yet...have you thought that the part of me stirring trouble would never have occured...if we never got into a quarrel? The beginning of a quarrel was what eventually brought me there. I was so sad everytime something like that happened...
Ya know...your accusation that I don't love you was as good as the last time where I said you treated me as a punching bag.
If you ever want to remove that ring....there is nothing I can do about it. That never crossed my mind, despite us at our current situation today. I still wanted others to know that I'm still attached. Even if not physically...emotionally I was. My heart is still attached to you.
I know how painful this has been for you...so if you wanna remove everything, make things easier for yourself, I'd understand. For me I won't, I will put things where they are. My facebook pic, my msn pic, even that calendar. To tell myself, to tell others that I once had you. How much I still love you even when things have ended here...
I wanna keep these memories. My exhaustion physically and mentally finally forbade me to create more memories, but I'll never forsake those I already have of us, of you...
Ya know...like you guessed, she looked me up again. The one from my school. Tried asking me out 2 days back but I rejected her. She even waited outside my class yesterday, but I sneaked out of the other door when class was over. I too hope there could be someone to ease my this pain, someone I could talk to now that you're not here anymore. Yet....I didn't wanna make myself feel like I was betraying you. I know...we may not be possible anymore. Yet my faith in keeping to you....still lives on. Guess that's the only thing...that never exhausted in me.
I won't expect you to do the same. You can look for someone else if you'd like...you're not mine anymore so I don't have any rights to forbid you. You won't be betraying me either. I understand...
Why did I let you go even though I loved you? Lingg...remember the period where you came over everyday? Then came this moment you told me how exhausted you were too? Not just physically but mentally as well? Then you wanted to give up too...I stopped you. You loved me at that moment didn't you? Then why did you decide to let me go then? My mindset now, would probably be what you were thinking of back then when you had that thought...
Don't worry...I won't get any girl soon. Not anytime soon. Or maybe I won't for a few years...
Lingg....this does not mark the end of everything. We're probably just...not in each other's destiny. Yet you could be in that of another guy. You won't stand alone eventually, and you won't die alone either. You'll have that someone beside you when you go, believe in that. I hope...you can find someone who can really handle you like how you wanted. Maybe just....the next time...go easier on him...whoever he may be...
Lingg...if you are reading this, if you're still reading at this point...please don't stop blogging.
Keep writing your story. I wanna read it, I wanna how your life will turn out, even if it meant reading about your times with another guy...I still wanna read it. To know that you are living well...I hope you will continue writing.
I visit your blog and facebook every time too...every few minutes I'll find myself clicking on those links. I guess...for the very same reason as you. I...didn't want you to be someone else's either...
Lingo...I'll be yours always...
But I couldn't be your future...
I wasn't happy anymore...just constant fear...fear everyday...
I too wished...what you said there on your blog would come true...
I still so bad wanna sleep on the same queen sized bed with you...
I still so bad wanna ditch that ring of our's and put on a real engagement ring...
I still so bad wanna see you in a wedding gown...
I still so bad wanna walk down the aisle with and exchange our vows...
I still so bad wanna take you around the world, to places you wanna go...
I still so bad wanna hold your hand till wrinkles appear on our faces...
I still so bad wanna be by your side when your body can't go on anymore...
I still so bad....wanna embrace you till the end of time....
Sometimes...I really wanna text you. Yet...I'm so afraid...that eventually I decide not to...
You said you lost your purpose without me, that the only thing that made it interesting is gone...it's the same for me too.
I wake up now, sometimes I feel so lost...like there's no direction. You were always the thing I looked forward to. Now it's no more. When I'm bored and alone...if we were together, we'd be texting. You'd be calling me boon! and I'll be calling you child! Now...it's no more and...it feels so outta place...
You were my direction in life. My work was my direction in passion. Don't ever mix those up lingg....
I too, feel so lost and outta purpose without you around. Yet I know...I was the one who chose to walk this path...
Yes...I'll be better off without you. I'll also be worse off without you. Better where I do not have to go through the daily torment of fear anymore....and worse off...because I have lost the one who gave me direction in my life.
Yes...there may be fear and all now...but I really never regretted knowing you. Sigh...there are some things...I don't know how to explain...guess I'll just leave them as it is. Like you said...some things are better left unsaid.
Lingg,
I don't doubt that you miss me, and I know it...
I don't doubt the fact that I have always been on your mind...
I don't doubt the reminiscense of the moments we've had all these while...
I don't doubt that you need me...
I don't doubt that you love me...I know lingg...I know...
And I'll keep thay love of your's close...
Lingg,
I don't doubt your feelings...so I hope you won't doubt mine either...
Dont doubt that...
I miss you too. I really do...
I wanna embrace you so much...
I wanna hold that hand of your's again...
I really...wanted a future for us...
I'll miss those times where we were happy...
And finally....that I love you lingg...
Don't doubt that please...
My heart...will be your's too till the end of time, as will my soul and faith...
Keep them close...too...yeah? :')
Lingg,
I can't begin to describe how bad I wanna salvage this...I want to...
Yet even if I did....would anything...change....?
Boon misses the child....
Boon was yours, is yours, and will always...be yours.
Please...remember Boon okay...? ;(
I won't say goodbye, because my heart never forsaken you. I just hope....you will live your life better....
I wish I could give you another kiss....but guess now I can only do it here...
Lingg.....muacks....
I'm sorry...
-Boon-
I don't know if you'll see this post, since you said you wouldn't come by anymore...but I'm still gonna pen these down.
So if you do happen to read this...please don't stop till the end okay...?
Lingg...I knew you were upset when you couldn't see me. I knew that it was so because you missed me...but sometimes...it just can't be helped. I can't skip deadlines...
Ya know, not all couples get to see each other everyday, at least not until they get married. I guess...also one of the reasons why I wanted so bad to just fast forward that time and marry you, so I could live with you...see you every single day.
I'm sorry lingo...I'm not you. I...I can't always pretend nothing has happened when it already did. I don't know how you could, I tried yet ultimately...it ain't easy at all.
We aren't just like any couples out there lingg....the amount of quarrels we had in these 4 months could probably have lasted another couple a few years. I'd like to share something with you.
I have this schoolmate, in group 02. I'm in 03. His name is William Ten, and his girlfriend was in the same class with him, her name is Joey Khoo. I always saw them together, happy smiling and all everytime in school. At times when we quarreled, I envied them. Sometimes I even held them as my role model for love.
Yet...it wasn't till 2 weeks back when I saw for the first time his girlfriend leaving school without him. I got curious and asked william. I was shocked ya know? He told me they weren't as loving as I thought they were. They quarreled almost every week too, for almost the same reasons between you and me, and it just so happens they were ok everytime I saw them.
I didn't say it...but I was reminded of us. How our actions outside would really put people behind bars of envy.
William told me too he was really tired, and for some reason...I could really relate to what he was feeling. He told me he really felt like putting things down...although he still loved Joey, he was just so exhausted. William is a nice guy, I could vouch for that. Knowing him for a year and half, he never flirted with any girls, he never gawked at any outside...he was good to Joey.
However, just like us...just like me...even though we still love our partners, we were too exhausted to carry on.
Ya know...what eventually brought us here today...we were both at fault. For you, sometimes...you pushed too hard. I would compromise but you kept pushing and pushing till things ended awry. For me, I didn't had enough for you, that I don't deny....and also I over-complicate things too. That something minor would appear serious to me. All of these came together slowly and eventually left us here. Tired and beaten.
Here...I just have to admit defeat. I really...don't know how to handle you lingg...I'm sorry...
I don't wanna start another conflict here...but just saying these with a rational mind. I never stirred up any trouble, or maybe I did. Yet...have you thought that the part of me stirring trouble would never have occured...if we never got into a quarrel? The beginning of a quarrel was what eventually brought me there. I was so sad everytime something like that happened...
Ya know...your accusation that I don't love you was as good as the last time where I said you treated me as a punching bag.
If you ever want to remove that ring....there is nothing I can do about it. That never crossed my mind, despite us at our current situation today. I still wanted others to know that I'm still attached. Even if not physically...emotionally I was. My heart is still attached to you.
I know how painful this has been for you...so if you wanna remove everything, make things easier for yourself, I'd understand. For me I won't, I will put things where they are. My facebook pic, my msn pic, even that calendar. To tell myself, to tell others that I once had you. How much I still love you even when things have ended here...
I wanna keep these memories. My exhaustion physically and mentally finally forbade me to create more memories, but I'll never forsake those I already have of us, of you...
Ya know...like you guessed, she looked me up again. The one from my school. Tried asking me out 2 days back but I rejected her. She even waited outside my class yesterday, but I sneaked out of the other door when class was over. I too hope there could be someone to ease my this pain, someone I could talk to now that you're not here anymore. Yet....I didn't wanna make myself feel like I was betraying you. I know...we may not be possible anymore. Yet my faith in keeping to you....still lives on. Guess that's the only thing...that never exhausted in me.
I won't expect you to do the same. You can look for someone else if you'd like...you're not mine anymore so I don't have any rights to forbid you. You won't be betraying me either. I understand...
Why did I let you go even though I loved you? Lingg...remember the period where you came over everyday? Then came this moment you told me how exhausted you were too? Not just physically but mentally as well? Then you wanted to give up too...I stopped you. You loved me at that moment didn't you? Then why did you decide to let me go then? My mindset now, would probably be what you were thinking of back then when you had that thought...
Don't worry...I won't get any girl soon. Not anytime soon. Or maybe I won't for a few years...
Lingg....this does not mark the end of everything. We're probably just...not in each other's destiny. Yet you could be in that of another guy. You won't stand alone eventually, and you won't die alone either. You'll have that someone beside you when you go, believe in that. I hope...you can find someone who can really handle you like how you wanted. Maybe just....the next time...go easier on him...whoever he may be...
Lingg...if you are reading this, if you're still reading at this point...please don't stop blogging.
Keep writing your story. I wanna read it, I wanna how your life will turn out, even if it meant reading about your times with another guy...I still wanna read it. To know that you are living well...I hope you will continue writing.
I visit your blog and facebook every time too...every few minutes I'll find myself clicking on those links. I guess...for the very same reason as you. I...didn't want you to be someone else's either...
Lingo...I'll be yours always...
But I couldn't be your future...
I wasn't happy anymore...just constant fear...fear everyday...
I too wished...what you said there on your blog would come true...
I still so bad wanna sleep on the same queen sized bed with you...
I still so bad wanna ditch that ring of our's and put on a real engagement ring...
I still so bad wanna see you in a wedding gown...
I still so bad wanna walk down the aisle with and exchange our vows...
I still so bad wanna take you around the world, to places you wanna go...
I still so bad wanna hold your hand till wrinkles appear on our faces...
I still so bad wanna be by your side when your body can't go on anymore...
I still so bad....wanna embrace you till the end of time....
Sometimes...I really wanna text you. Yet...I'm so afraid...that eventually I decide not to...
You said you lost your purpose without me, that the only thing that made it interesting is gone...it's the same for me too.
I wake up now, sometimes I feel so lost...like there's no direction. You were always the thing I looked forward to. Now it's no more. When I'm bored and alone...if we were together, we'd be texting. You'd be calling me boon! and I'll be calling you child! Now...it's no more and...it feels so outta place...
You were my direction in life. My work was my direction in passion. Don't ever mix those up lingg....
I too, feel so lost and outta purpose without you around. Yet I know...I was the one who chose to walk this path...
Yes...I'll be better off without you. I'll also be worse off without you. Better where I do not have to go through the daily torment of fear anymore....and worse off...because I have lost the one who gave me direction in my life.
Yes...there may be fear and all now...but I really never regretted knowing you. Sigh...there are some things...I don't know how to explain...guess I'll just leave them as it is. Like you said...some things are better left unsaid.
Lingg,
I don't doubt that you miss me, and I know it...
I don't doubt the fact that I have always been on your mind...
I don't doubt the reminiscense of the moments we've had all these while...
I don't doubt that you need me...
I don't doubt that you love me...I know lingg...I know...
And I'll keep thay love of your's close...
Lingg,
I don't doubt your feelings...so I hope you won't doubt mine either...
Dont doubt that...
I miss you too. I really do...
I wanna embrace you so much...
I wanna hold that hand of your's again...
I really...wanted a future for us...
I'll miss those times where we were happy...
And finally....that I love you lingg...
Don't doubt that please...
My heart...will be your's too till the end of time, as will my soul and faith...
Keep them close...too...yeah? :')
Lingg,
I can't begin to describe how bad I wanna salvage this...I want to...
Yet even if I did....would anything...change....?
Boon misses the child....
Boon was yours, is yours, and will always...be yours.
Please...remember Boon okay...? ;(
I won't say goodbye, because my heart never forsaken you. I just hope....you will live your life better....
I wish I could give you another kiss....but guess now I can only do it here...
Lingg.....muacks....
I'm sorry...
-Boon-
Friday, July 15, 2011, 11:56 PM
To you:
Lingg I know you will see this post.
Before I headed off to bed, I went on to your blog again. Then I saw that video. I don't know if it's directed to me, but I myself could relate to the lyrics too.
I don't know why, but the first thing that came to my mind was you...and your beautiful smile...
Then I don't know why, tears started swelling up.
I can deceive anyone, I can tell anyone that I don't love you. They would believe. But I couldn't deceive myself. I still love you so much...and I miss you so bad...
You are my first actual love and I always hoped that you would have been my last...
I so much wanna embrace you in my arms again...but I can't...
I'm so exhausted. I kept on telling myself that I could hang on. Yet...you can always deceive anyone but there is one person you can never deceive. Yourself. I knew I was so exhausted...I knew I couldn't continue on anymore...and I didn't wanna continue deceiving myself anymore...
I'm sorry lingg...
I still love you...
-Boon-
Lingg I know you will see this post.
Before I headed off to bed, I went on to your blog again. Then I saw that video. I don't know if it's directed to me, but I myself could relate to the lyrics too.
I don't know why, but the first thing that came to my mind was you...and your beautiful smile...
Then I don't know why, tears started swelling up.
I can deceive anyone, I can tell anyone that I don't love you. They would believe. But I couldn't deceive myself. I still love you so much...and I miss you so bad...
You are my first actual love and I always hoped that you would have been my last...
I so much wanna embrace you in my arms again...but I can't...
I'm so exhausted. I kept on telling myself that I could hang on. Yet...you can always deceive anyone but there is one person you can never deceive. Yourself. I knew I was so exhausted...I knew I couldn't continue on anymore...and I didn't wanna continue deceiving myself anymore...
I'm sorry lingg...
I still love you...
-Boon-
Guess I'll have an earlier night. So exhausted...and nothing else for me to do.
A huge chunk seems to have disappeared all of a sudden without her.
Nights everybody...
A huge chunk seems to have disappeared all of a sudden without her.
Nights everybody...
Thursday, July 14, 2011, 11:30 PM
No class today.
So I woke, and for some reason felt like all of a sudden....I felt so lost o.o
It's like, all of a sudden, I didn't know what to do. What I could do. Then I just got out my sketchbook and practised figure drawing.
Then went on to jurong point for lunch. Got starbucks coffee too, long time since I last had it.
Then I got back, and just had the urge to read my tintin books again. I just laid on bed and read up those adventures of tintin. Coupled with some new songs I found, and coffee...
Spent the whole day like that.
After dinner, I went on to finish up a little work for tomorrow's submission. Then read up a little on the powerpoint slides again for tomorrow's presentation since we didn't finish it last week.
Now I'm just....I don't know there isn't anything to do. Haven't been in contact with anyone in a long time and don't know who I can talk to either.
So...I decided to just write down my thoughts for today here. Since...there isn't anyone I can speak to.
So tired...think I'll sleep earlier today. Gotta wake at 6 tomorrow ~.~
I got a haircut yesterday too! Honestly it looks alot better now, and finally I can start working on my swallow tails. I even got some salon wax for 22 bucks =/ Hope it's more useful than what I usually use.
Alright....guess that's about it. Wonder if there's any movie I can catch....don't like hairy potter =/
Give me a sign-
There's something buried in the-
Give me a sign-
Your tears are adding to the flood
Just give me a sign...-
Forever and ever-
The scars will remain...-
-Breaking Benjamin-
So I woke, and for some reason felt like all of a sudden....I felt so lost o.o
It's like, all of a sudden, I didn't know what to do. What I could do. Then I just got out my sketchbook and practised figure drawing.
Then went on to jurong point for lunch. Got starbucks coffee too, long time since I last had it.
Then I got back, and just had the urge to read my tintin books again. I just laid on bed and read up those adventures of tintin. Coupled with some new songs I found, and coffee...
Spent the whole day like that.
After dinner, I went on to finish up a little work for tomorrow's submission. Then read up a little on the powerpoint slides again for tomorrow's presentation since we didn't finish it last week.
Now I'm just....I don't know there isn't anything to do. Haven't been in contact with anyone in a long time and don't know who I can talk to either.
So...I decided to just write down my thoughts for today here. Since...there isn't anyone I can speak to.
So tired...think I'll sleep earlier today. Gotta wake at 6 tomorrow ~.~
I got a haircut yesterday too! Honestly it looks alot better now, and finally I can start working on my swallow tails. I even got some salon wax for 22 bucks =/ Hope it's more useful than what I usually use.
Alright....guess that's about it. Wonder if there's any movie I can catch....don't like hairy potter =/
Give me a sign-
There's something buried in the-
Give me a sign-
Your tears are adding to the flood
Just give me a sign...-
Forever and ever-
The scars will remain...-
-Breaking Benjamin-
Wednesday, July 13, 2011, 4:31 PM
I hate myself.
I hate how the way I appear...
I hate how I cannot keep a girl I love...
I hate my life...
Sometimes I wonder....
What if one day you were in trouble? Maybe some guy attaked you and I rushed as fast as I could to pull you out....
Yet no matter how hard I struggle it's futile....cause I'm so weak...
In the end I could only watch as you fade into agony...
That's how useless I am isn't it?
Maybe...I'm not the guy you are looking for...am I?
I hate how the way I appear...
I hate how I cannot keep a girl I love...
I hate my life...
Sometimes I wonder....
What if one day you were in trouble? Maybe some guy attaked you and I rushed as fast as I could to pull you out....
Yet no matter how hard I struggle it's futile....cause I'm so weak...
In the end I could only watch as you fade into agony...
That's how useless I am isn't it?
Maybe...I'm not the guy you are looking for...am I?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011, 11:11 PM
I wanna cherish my moments with you too....but can I?
I can't possibly just abandon every single thing to do that....
Sometimes...I just wish I never had to choose between you or my work...
Or maybe all that might've been simpler if I was never born, then I'd never have to comtemplate these...
Then you'd never have to go through this shit...
Things would have been so much better if I never came into being isn't it...?
I can't possibly just abandon every single thing to do that....
Sometimes...I just wish I never had to choose between you or my work...
Or maybe all that might've been simpler if I was never born, then I'd never have to comtemplate these...
Then you'd never have to go through this shit...
Things would have been so much better if I never came into being isn't it...?
Tuition on Tuesday? Do I know? Know what? I don't, cause you never told me so. The last time I asked, you told me it wasn't planned out yet.
To be honest, I have lessons till 6.30 today as I said. In fact, it delayed by half an hour. How was I supposed to be free? I still have a submission tomorrow.
As for wednesday, for the first time in this week I'm able to take a breather and spend time with you because all major submissions in this week are done by tomorrow. I won't have lessons on thursday either because it shifted over to today. Know what that means? I have 2 days for you. What are we gonna waste this on? A cold war. I draw time when I can, whenever I can. Then is it my fault you are booked on Thursday? For god's sake, I don't even go out with my friends anymore, in fact..0. I don't get the luxury you do, of which you can still meet your jie when you need to.
All you have to do is tell me about it and I'll understand. I don't go out with friends anymore. Why? Ever thought why? I don't go out with them because I have work to do. Any free time I get, I give them to you. Not to them.
Remember when you came back one day and saw me sleeping on your bed? Initially I wouldn't be able to head over because I had to do my UV unwrappings on my home desktop. My laptop is too laggy for that and you don't have the software at your house either. Later when I swapped it with my friend, I went over. Thought why? Because I didn't need my desktop anymore. Any work I didn't specifically require my desktop to do, I could do at your house.
Unless you wanna tell me you have the softwares I need at your house too, and that your desktop can support the memory intensive programs required. Sure, no problem I could head over to do my work there. No complaints.
The thing here is? I can't. I need that desktop to finish those stuff up and so I do not have a choice in that. Unless you wanna ask me to forego all my assignments and fail them instead? I'm sorry....I can't do that.
Now let's move on to weekends.
Study and work. Tell me which weekends when I didn't have any urgent workload that I didn't spend time with you? Any weekends I got when I have nothing urgent to do up, I gave my time to you.
You talk about my family day. You wanna guess something? Know when was the last time I went out with my family? All 4 of us, my mum, dad, sis and myself. Know when was the last time? You don't know, I'll tell you. 5 months since the last time I went out with them. You? You just went out with them last week.
I didn't say nothing about that even when you forbade me to go look for furniture with my parents few weeks back. I even gave them the stupid excuse that I had a splitting headache. Why? Just in the hope that you wouldn't get mad.
Family day, I haven't had it in awhile and I daren't even ask for it. Cause I know what your reaction will be. So don't tell me about family day when you get it, and I don't. Not that I complaint about it either.
Most of the time you head over. True, but that was awhile back. There was this time I head over everyday. Then there was this time you came over everyday. Now I went over everytime so long as I had the time and didn't need that desktop of mine. Yet you want me to ask you to come over.
Could I say so? I know you don't really like my house. So I didn't ask whenever I had to stay home.
I know I'll probably get "why? Can't you come over instead?" and if I tell you the reason, we'll be in a cold war again. Do you see the point? I dare not ask. I know what the end result will be and I'd rather not risk that....because I don't wanna waste time with something as pointless as a cold war.
You make time for me. Yes I know, and it's easier for you. Like you said before, I am your dream. I am your passion. Am I not right? It's easy for you to put aside your work, something that you don't really exactly like don't you?
Also remember, your course is an exam based course, mine isn't. Sure you have to practise and all, I know. But no constant submissions one after another. Where almost every week, you get a deadline for a submission.
Guess what? That's what's happening for my course. I don't get the luxury to practise on my free time because it's just submission after submission. Maybe if you were in my course, it wouldn't be that easy for you to say you'd gladly make time.
One more thing, not that I didn't. I tried to find time when I could. I even wanted to put work aside and maybe sleep later so I can catch a meal with you on Monday. Look where that thought ended? Cold war again. Only because I didn't go over to fetch you, so I could clean up as much as I could and spend the time with you at your house later on.
So don't tell me about going out because you only have male friends. I don't even get the chance to go out anywhere with anyone. After work, free time = you. I'm not even sad about that, in fact each time I look forward to moments where submissions are in and I can spend time with you. However....most of the time we end up wasting that time in a cold war instead. Just like how we're gonna be wasting tomorrow, and Thursday.
I don't work over at your house, because most of the time I can't. I don't have to consider, or try for that matter. I needed the desktop and everything that is in it. If my work only required a sketchbook and pencil. No problem, I wouldn't hesitate working there like how I did the last time. Yet fact is, most of the time my work involves digital tampering....so it's not much of a choice is it?
I don't stay over because I can't. You know very well the reason why.
You tell me none of my plans include you? Ya know....I'm really sad to hear such a thing from you. ALL my free time after work, as long as I can find it I give to you. You call that exclusive from you? If I didn't include you in my plans, I wouldn't have bothered. I would have went out with friends when they asked. Did I? Nope, I rejected them because I only ever thought of giving my limited free time to you.
And what exactly do I complain? About my work? Cause I'm stressed up over it and I wanted someone to share it with. You tell me about your school stuff too, you need someone to share with. That's what both of us being in a relationship is for isn't it? Someone close as a confidant.
You tell me this is not a normal relationship? Go look around, ask around. See who is in your definition of "normal" relationship. Those who are probably can't care less about their work at all. If that's what you call a normal relationship where both parties only spend time with each other and neglect everything else....then I am speechless.
Like I said before, you wanna compare me to your sister's boyfriend. Yeah by all means go ahead. Your sister might probably end up in a shit cesspool if her boyfriend continues living his life like this. I work hard now, we'll get a comfortable life, we can enjoy life with each other's company. Our kids won't need to suffer.
See how much difference that makes from just simply fetching you from school?
If that's the kind of boyfriend you want: someone who has no aim in life, wanders around and leads you into a shitty future with nothing but only love....again...I am speechless.
You say I don't treat you the way you deserve. By all means of it, I think I'm already doing my best and better than many out there.
I have known couples where the guy is free as shit and doesn't care less about spending time with his gal.
I have known couples who won't bother finding time at all. Where meeting is no more than a mere coincidence for them.
I have known couples where the guy goes around with other girls even though he already has a gal.
Yes, I admit myself it's really little time I have for you.
YET, I believe I care for you, I want a future with you.
I believe I find any time I can squeeze out for you, ignoring my friends totally.
I believe I don't flirt around with anyone else, I don't even talk to them for that matter, all for you.
So I don't treat you what you deserved? Maybe you'd like a guy like I stated above? Or maybe one with no future?
You say next week will be the same as always. Isn't it so? Isn't that so for millions and millions of people out there?
What do you expect? A trip to france to admire the lavender fields? Or maybe a trip to japan for you experience the place? That's just what it is. That's just how mundane life can get until you reach a point where you are financially comfortable to enjoy life even if it means not working.
Ya know, I don't get the luxury to do nothing but play for 2 years. I get a week like that, I'll be over the moon already. I don't even dare to think of only play for 2 whole years. So how will life be any different than what it is now?
You say you are envious of other couples, then can you name me a few you know? Then tell me in detail how their life functions? I'd like to learn from them.
So your sis is having a better love life....just simply because her boyfriend picks her up from school? That's it...?
I never bullied you. Tell me how have I?
Seen other girls?
Physically abused you?
Ask you to pay for everything?
How have I bullied you?
Having limited time is bully? When that time is spent on important things and not play? That's bully?
You keep saying you want to leave. Now I know how you felt back then when I kept giving up. Only difference is, back then deep down I really wanted to stay. That was why you say something...and I stayed. Because that was what I really wanted. To stay by your side.
Yet....you seem very determined to leave aren't you? Since you seem to hate this relationship so much....
Yet again, I don't expect you to accept any of the explanations I gave above, since you'll just have a different opinion to mine.
Really...lingg....some things when said is hard to be retracted...
I know I love you, and I miss you. I don't doubt those. No one knows how one feels except the person himself/herself. That's how I feel. Or maybe the way we express that love...is different too...?
To be honest, I have lessons till 6.30 today as I said. In fact, it delayed by half an hour. How was I supposed to be free? I still have a submission tomorrow.
As for wednesday, for the first time in this week I'm able to take a breather and spend time with you because all major submissions in this week are done by tomorrow. I won't have lessons on thursday either because it shifted over to today. Know what that means? I have 2 days for you. What are we gonna waste this on? A cold war. I draw time when I can, whenever I can. Then is it my fault you are booked on Thursday? For god's sake, I don't even go out with my friends anymore, in fact..0. I don't get the luxury you do, of which you can still meet your jie when you need to.
All you have to do is tell me about it and I'll understand. I don't go out with friends anymore. Why? Ever thought why? I don't go out with them because I have work to do. Any free time I get, I give them to you. Not to them.
Remember when you came back one day and saw me sleeping on your bed? Initially I wouldn't be able to head over because I had to do my UV unwrappings on my home desktop. My laptop is too laggy for that and you don't have the software at your house either. Later when I swapped it with my friend, I went over. Thought why? Because I didn't need my desktop anymore. Any work I didn't specifically require my desktop to do, I could do at your house.
Unless you wanna tell me you have the softwares I need at your house too, and that your desktop can support the memory intensive programs required. Sure, no problem I could head over to do my work there. No complaints.
The thing here is? I can't. I need that desktop to finish those stuff up and so I do not have a choice in that. Unless you wanna ask me to forego all my assignments and fail them instead? I'm sorry....I can't do that.
Now let's move on to weekends.
Study and work. Tell me which weekends when I didn't have any urgent workload that I didn't spend time with you? Any weekends I got when I have nothing urgent to do up, I gave my time to you.
You talk about my family day. You wanna guess something? Know when was the last time I went out with my family? All 4 of us, my mum, dad, sis and myself. Know when was the last time? You don't know, I'll tell you. 5 months since the last time I went out with them. You? You just went out with them last week.
I didn't say nothing about that even when you forbade me to go look for furniture with my parents few weeks back. I even gave them the stupid excuse that I had a splitting headache. Why? Just in the hope that you wouldn't get mad.
Family day, I haven't had it in awhile and I daren't even ask for it. Cause I know what your reaction will be. So don't tell me about family day when you get it, and I don't. Not that I complaint about it either.
Most of the time you head over. True, but that was awhile back. There was this time I head over everyday. Then there was this time you came over everyday. Now I went over everytime so long as I had the time and didn't need that desktop of mine. Yet you want me to ask you to come over.
Could I say so? I know you don't really like my house. So I didn't ask whenever I had to stay home.
I know I'll probably get "why? Can't you come over instead?" and if I tell you the reason, we'll be in a cold war again. Do you see the point? I dare not ask. I know what the end result will be and I'd rather not risk that....because I don't wanna waste time with something as pointless as a cold war.
You make time for me. Yes I know, and it's easier for you. Like you said before, I am your dream. I am your passion. Am I not right? It's easy for you to put aside your work, something that you don't really exactly like don't you?
Also remember, your course is an exam based course, mine isn't. Sure you have to practise and all, I know. But no constant submissions one after another. Where almost every week, you get a deadline for a submission.
Guess what? That's what's happening for my course. I don't get the luxury to practise on my free time because it's just submission after submission. Maybe if you were in my course, it wouldn't be that easy for you to say you'd gladly make time.
One more thing, not that I didn't. I tried to find time when I could. I even wanted to put work aside and maybe sleep later so I can catch a meal with you on Monday. Look where that thought ended? Cold war again. Only because I didn't go over to fetch you, so I could clean up as much as I could and spend the time with you at your house later on.
So don't tell me about going out because you only have male friends. I don't even get the chance to go out anywhere with anyone. After work, free time = you. I'm not even sad about that, in fact each time I look forward to moments where submissions are in and I can spend time with you. However....most of the time we end up wasting that time in a cold war instead. Just like how we're gonna be wasting tomorrow, and Thursday.
I don't work over at your house, because most of the time I can't. I don't have to consider, or try for that matter. I needed the desktop and everything that is in it. If my work only required a sketchbook and pencil. No problem, I wouldn't hesitate working there like how I did the last time. Yet fact is, most of the time my work involves digital tampering....so it's not much of a choice is it?
I don't stay over because I can't. You know very well the reason why.
You tell me none of my plans include you? Ya know....I'm really sad to hear such a thing from you. ALL my free time after work, as long as I can find it I give to you. You call that exclusive from you? If I didn't include you in my plans, I wouldn't have bothered. I would have went out with friends when they asked. Did I? Nope, I rejected them because I only ever thought of giving my limited free time to you.
And what exactly do I complain? About my work? Cause I'm stressed up over it and I wanted someone to share it with. You tell me about your school stuff too, you need someone to share with. That's what both of us being in a relationship is for isn't it? Someone close as a confidant.
You tell me this is not a normal relationship? Go look around, ask around. See who is in your definition of "normal" relationship. Those who are probably can't care less about their work at all. If that's what you call a normal relationship where both parties only spend time with each other and neglect everything else....then I am speechless.
Like I said before, you wanna compare me to your sister's boyfriend. Yeah by all means go ahead. Your sister might probably end up in a shit cesspool if her boyfriend continues living his life like this. I work hard now, we'll get a comfortable life, we can enjoy life with each other's company. Our kids won't need to suffer.
See how much difference that makes from just simply fetching you from school?
If that's the kind of boyfriend you want: someone who has no aim in life, wanders around and leads you into a shitty future with nothing but only love....again...I am speechless.
You say I don't treat you the way you deserve. By all means of it, I think I'm already doing my best and better than many out there.
I have known couples where the guy is free as shit and doesn't care less about spending time with his gal.
I have known couples who won't bother finding time at all. Where meeting is no more than a mere coincidence for them.
I have known couples where the guy goes around with other girls even though he already has a gal.
Yes, I admit myself it's really little time I have for you.
YET, I believe I care for you, I want a future with you.
I believe I find any time I can squeeze out for you, ignoring my friends totally.
I believe I don't flirt around with anyone else, I don't even talk to them for that matter, all for you.
So I don't treat you what you deserved? Maybe you'd like a guy like I stated above? Or maybe one with no future?
You say next week will be the same as always. Isn't it so? Isn't that so for millions and millions of people out there?
What do you expect? A trip to france to admire the lavender fields? Or maybe a trip to japan for you experience the place? That's just what it is. That's just how mundane life can get until you reach a point where you are financially comfortable to enjoy life even if it means not working.
Ya know, I don't get the luxury to do nothing but play for 2 years. I get a week like that, I'll be over the moon already. I don't even dare to think of only play for 2 whole years. So how will life be any different than what it is now?
You say you are envious of other couples, then can you name me a few you know? Then tell me in detail how their life functions? I'd like to learn from them.
So your sis is having a better love life....just simply because her boyfriend picks her up from school? That's it...?
I never bullied you. Tell me how have I?
Seen other girls?
Physically abused you?
Ask you to pay for everything?
How have I bullied you?
Having limited time is bully? When that time is spent on important things and not play? That's bully?
You keep saying you want to leave. Now I know how you felt back then when I kept giving up. Only difference is, back then deep down I really wanted to stay. That was why you say something...and I stayed. Because that was what I really wanted. To stay by your side.
Yet....you seem very determined to leave aren't you? Since you seem to hate this relationship so much....
Yet again, I don't expect you to accept any of the explanations I gave above, since you'll just have a different opinion to mine.
Really...lingg....some things when said is hard to be retracted...
I know I love you, and I miss you. I don't doubt those. No one knows how one feels except the person himself/herself. That's how I feel. Or maybe the way we express that love...is different too...?
Sunday, July 10, 2011, 1:01 AM
The child is so cute today!! She gave the mega-ultra-giga-bagula-mama-awesome-kawaii-blur face today when my dad asked if she wanted herbal tea!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
HOHOHOHO WHY SO CUTE!!!????
Alright so nothing much today. Was about to have lunch when lingg suddenly popped out LOL! :) She's so hot today xD
Then then I had my lunch and after that played through the afternoon.
Somewhat somehow felt really tired. I'm feeling so tired everyday now, no idea why :( Maybe I'm dying soon? :(
Then eventually we kinda fell asleep at 5 odd. Guess we didn't hear the alarm ring haha so slept till 8 odd!!
Then lingg decided to melt my heart with the O .o o. O Face left and right!!!
O
M
G
!!!!
So kawaii :( melt me to the max.....
Got hungry later on and so ordered pizza :) Yum yum ~~~~~~
Then I finally got down to work. Lingg then used my com and she was like helping out her friend with a song LOL! xD
The thought is nice, but I thought it sounded weird though. Then again, it's the thought that counts right? :)
Time flew~~~ and it was 10 odd. Lingo had to go =/
SO I saw her down, kiss kiss hug hug fullhouse!!!!
Then 157 came like 10 minutes later and off she went. She didn't look out the back window xD I still waved though =p
Went back home and finished up my icon assignment. Done by around 12 and all that's left of that is to compile.
Don't feel like doing that now though, so god damn tired :(
Wonder what's wrong with me...
HOHOHOHO WHY SO CUTE!!!????
Alright so nothing much today. Was about to have lunch when lingg suddenly popped out LOL! :) She's so hot today xD
Then then I had my lunch and after that played through the afternoon.
Somewhat somehow felt really tired. I'm feeling so tired everyday now, no idea why :( Maybe I'm dying soon? :(
Then eventually we kinda fell asleep at 5 odd. Guess we didn't hear the alarm ring haha so slept till 8 odd!!
Then lingg decided to melt my heart with the O .o o. O Face left and right!!!
O
M
G
!!!!
So kawaii :( melt me to the max.....
Got hungry later on and so ordered pizza :) Yum yum ~~~~~~
Then I finally got down to work. Lingg then used my com and she was like helping out her friend with a song LOL! xD
The thought is nice, but I thought it sounded weird though. Then again, it's the thought that counts right? :)
Time flew~~~ and it was 10 odd. Lingo had to go =/
SO I saw her down, kiss kiss hug hug fullhouse!!!!
Then 157 came like 10 minutes later and off she went. She didn't look out the back window xD I still waved though =p
Went back home and finished up my icon assignment. Done by around 12 and all that's left of that is to compile.
Don't feel like doing that now though, so god damn tired :(
Wonder what's wrong with me...
Friday, July 8, 2011, 10:56 PM
Alright, work or not; Tired or not; I'll definitely have to blog today, because I'm so happy :)
Why? I'll tell you in abit. But before that, let's get down to today's events first quickly.
So woke up today at 6, because had to be in school by 8 for a last rundown for the presentation. Not too sure why they're so anxious about it, but yueah...
Then lessons started at 9 and groups went up one by one to present. Initially it was set to 15 minutes per group for presentation. Most in front of us over-ran their time =.= In the end taking up to 20-30 minutes worth of presentation time.
When it was finally our turn, the lecturer decided that we'll finish the rest of the groups next week AHHHHH :( sad max :( I was hoping to get this shit over and done with today. Hate dragging things like this =/
Then the first lesson ended and we had a 3 hour break. Did a little work and texted lingo =D She was having cramps earlier today too :( How I wish I was there to hug her...
Anyway fast forward to 3. Next lesson started and it was blablabla boring!
Of course, things got worse when my phone was running outta battery and I can't text the child! :(
We arranged to meet at Kranji though :)
After dismissal, I charged down hoho~~~
Sakae sushi tonight o.o Finally something filling if I can get that buffet.
On the train, there was this indian guy, lifting up his arms; holding onto the grab pole and shuffling his armpit so near my face. I was freaking disgusted!!
I eventually gave him a cold hard stare. Think he got the idea, then he shifted and put one of his arms down :) DON'T MESS WITH THE BOONGO!!!!!
Arrived at kranji not too long later. Alighted the train and was looking around for lingo, wondering where she'd be. Then among the sounds I heard a distinctive running noise behind me. I smiled and turned around! CAUGHT HER IN THE ACT KEKEKE!!!! Her ambush failed! xD Just like mine, my ambush always fail too =/
Then we waited for the next train. Then we sat on the bench and chatted haha. Our sitting postures were like as if we were at home xD
Train came after awhile and we boarded it. Got to west mall and went up to sakae sushi. I was so excited for a nice meal! THEN! Realised there wasn't buffet dinner at the west mall outlet...then I was like NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! D; EMO MAX....
Oh well, ended up going to mos burger instead. Exhausted my week's allowance =p
Then took away back to lingo's house. Got there and it was empty. Nobody was home o.o for the first time :O
THen we had our meal and lingo cooked me some eggs too hehe ;D
Then after finishing the meal we kissed on the sofa xD kekekeke!!
Then went to her room to kiss further with a more cosy atmosphere :)
In the blink of an eye, it was already 10.30 =/
I had to go, and lingo saw me down. She took this plastic bag with her too o.o Apparently it was wrapped up and there was something inside :O
Fullhouses hoho and 157 came pretty fast today. Lingo handed the bag over to me and off I went.
I was real curious about the contents...so when I finally got a seat a few stops later, I went down to unwrappning it xD
Initially I thought it'd be some sorta card or something....guess what it was? ;D
A calender!!
One might think: What? It's just a calender, what's so special about it?
Now this is what's so special about it: It was a special calender filled with our photos during our time together, and also....filled with lingg's thought and love.
It is.....I don't know how to say it. Beyond words for me to describe. It was just...heart-warming :) I felt so touched....it was so sweet of her to do something like this. have never got something like this done specially for me before...this was the first :)
I really loved it. So much to the point that if you let me choose between this gift and maybe a red packet with a thousand dollar note in it, I'd pick her gift :)
I'm honestly at a lost for words.....totally speechless.
I love this gift so much lingg!!!
And and...I love you too!!!! :D
Thank you so much....
Why? I'll tell you in abit. But before that, let's get down to today's events first quickly.
So woke up today at 6, because had to be in school by 8 for a last rundown for the presentation. Not too sure why they're so anxious about it, but yueah...
Then lessons started at 9 and groups went up one by one to present. Initially it was set to 15 minutes per group for presentation. Most in front of us over-ran their time =.= In the end taking up to 20-30 minutes worth of presentation time.
When it was finally our turn, the lecturer decided that we'll finish the rest of the groups next week AHHHHH :( sad max :( I was hoping to get this shit over and done with today. Hate dragging things like this =/
Then the first lesson ended and we had a 3 hour break. Did a little work and texted lingo =D She was having cramps earlier today too :( How I wish I was there to hug her...
Anyway fast forward to 3. Next lesson started and it was blablabla boring!
Of course, things got worse when my phone was running outta battery and I can't text the child! :(
We arranged to meet at Kranji though :)
After dismissal, I charged down hoho~~~
Sakae sushi tonight o.o Finally something filling if I can get that buffet.
On the train, there was this indian guy, lifting up his arms; holding onto the grab pole and shuffling his armpit so near my face. I was freaking disgusted!!
I eventually gave him a cold hard stare. Think he got the idea, then he shifted and put one of his arms down :) DON'T MESS WITH THE BOONGO!!!!!
Arrived at kranji not too long later. Alighted the train and was looking around for lingo, wondering where she'd be. Then among the sounds I heard a distinctive running noise behind me. I smiled and turned around! CAUGHT HER IN THE ACT KEKEKE!!!! Her ambush failed! xD Just like mine, my ambush always fail too =/
Then we waited for the next train. Then we sat on the bench and chatted haha. Our sitting postures were like as if we were at home xD
Train came after awhile and we boarded it. Got to west mall and went up to sakae sushi. I was so excited for a nice meal! THEN! Realised there wasn't buffet dinner at the west mall outlet...then I was like NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! D; EMO MAX....
Oh well, ended up going to mos burger instead. Exhausted my week's allowance =p
Then took away back to lingo's house. Got there and it was empty. Nobody was home o.o for the first time :O
THen we had our meal and lingo cooked me some eggs too hehe ;D
Then after finishing the meal we kissed on the sofa xD kekekeke!!
Then went to her room to kiss further with a more cosy atmosphere :)
In the blink of an eye, it was already 10.30 =/
I had to go, and lingo saw me down. She took this plastic bag with her too o.o Apparently it was wrapped up and there was something inside :O
Fullhouses hoho and 157 came pretty fast today. Lingo handed the bag over to me and off I went.
I was real curious about the contents...so when I finally got a seat a few stops later, I went down to unwrappning it xD
Initially I thought it'd be some sorta card or something....guess what it was? ;D
A calender!!
One might think: What? It's just a calender, what's so special about it?
Now this is what's so special about it: It was a special calender filled with our photos during our time together, and also....filled with lingg's thought and love.
It is.....I don't know how to say it. Beyond words for me to describe. It was just...heart-warming :) I felt so touched....it was so sweet of her to do something like this. have never got something like this done specially for me before...this was the first :)
I really loved it. So much to the point that if you let me choose between this gift and maybe a red packet with a thousand dollar note in it, I'd pick her gift :)
I'm honestly at a lost for words.....totally speechless.
I love this gift so much lingg!!!
And and...I love you too!!!! :D
Thank you so much....
Thursday, July 7, 2011, 10:44 PM
Sometimes I hate myself...
I hate the fact that I'm so skinny.
Not that I never tried...I tried eating alot before...I tried weight training before. End result? I didn't put on a single gram despite having done it for months.
I don't want this either...but I can't change it no matter how much effort I put in.
I'm not asking to be some muscular hunk or something...I just wanna be...normal sized...
And that too...seems impossible. It seems so much harder to achieve than my dream, so much so that I've already given up trying to reach a normal sizing.
Sometimes I just wander why can't I be normal sized? I wanna wear T-shirts too....I don't wanna be cloaked in jackets everytime.
But I hate it...I don't want people to see how skinny I am, then tell me about it and reminding me of how much I hate this part of me....
I just wanna be normal....
I hate the fact that I'm so skinny.
Not that I never tried...I tried eating alot before...I tried weight training before. End result? I didn't put on a single gram despite having done it for months.
I don't want this either...but I can't change it no matter how much effort I put in.
I'm not asking to be some muscular hunk or something...I just wanna be...normal sized...
And that too...seems impossible. It seems so much harder to achieve than my dream, so much so that I've already given up trying to reach a normal sizing.
Sometimes I just wander why can't I be normal sized? I wanna wear T-shirts too....I don't wanna be cloaked in jackets everytime.
But I hate it...I don't want people to see how skinny I am, then tell me about it and reminding me of how much I hate this part of me....
I just wanna be normal....
Wednesday, July 6, 2011, 10:56 PM
HELLO PEEPS and the CHILDCHINGO! I know you are reading =p Boongo so smart right?
Anyway let's talk about yesterday. Since I didn't had the time to blog yesterday. Shall do it now =p
Let's see, I was dismissed at 12? Wait NO!! I was dismissed at around 11.30. Early dismissal cause....maybe lecturer was lazy? Or or he has a hot date =p
Anyway, I couldn't leave yet despite being dismissed. Had to go meet my character design lecturer for my assignment 3 brief. Really scary, cause this time, they choose what we do. :( So afraid I'd get some shit that I don't know how to do :(
So after that went with classmates to look for lecturer. She then gave all of us lots with numbers on it. Then we'd pick. After which she'll distribute the briefs according to the different corresponding numbers.
I got number 1! LOL! =x Thought it was a good sign...guess what? NO!!!! My brief was design 3 characters for a female casual game. LIKE OMG??!! I don't know how to do casual female fashion designs :( I was like...I'm screwed.
Fortunately, there was still a ballot available and those unhappy with their draws can get to swap with another person. FORTUNATELY!!! I got someone to trade my brief with. TOYS!!! Kekekeke no restrictions :)
Now that's what I call character design xD
Then after that trained down to meet the child at dhoby ghaut for her clothing collection. She got there faster than me! Cause cause cause she slid there! Sliding + train speed = godly speed. Can't blame me if I'm slower right? xD
OH and we were planning on watching transformers 3 today too. There were 2 and 3pm show slots. Linggo's collection was at 2, so I thought the last slot would be 3. Guess what? She managed to bring forward the collection time LOL! SO that means.....2pm show =D
Met lingo at dhoby ghaut station~~~ Then the silly child don't know how to go parklane mall, then act confident hehe~~ SO CUTE!!
Then we hugged and kissed and all at the mall while we waited for the person.
HEHEHEHEHE~~~
The person finally showed up, from an unexpected spot LOL!
THen after collection, we walked back to get the movie tickets. Lingo then rammaged through her new toys and decided to wear the blazer. She looked like some air stewardess LOL!
Then got to cathay and bought the tickets. We had half an hour left so we sat at some spot with Mr bean's poster in front LOL! I swear he looks damn funny LOL! His expression alone can already make me laugh =x
Anyway, we had 2 free drinks too so we gulped them down while the lingo looked through the clothing in detail xD
Soon, 2 came and time for movie seating. Oh oh and I got popcorns too. OH! And 1 more thing, when we went to collect the free drink, I asked lingo to do it. Know what she did? xD She just stood there and showed the server the ticket =/ Luckily the person understood what she wanted...or else xD FACEPALM HEHEHEHE~~~
So we settled in and started munching on snacks. Ticketer also made a mistake in the couple seats ~.~ Luckily no one took the ones beside us =x Think they must've had realised that error, so someone kept coming in to ask for our tickets =/
Anyway show started and wow! I'm kinda confused xD
The show started to make sense later on though, but the child still couldn't catch any balls =p
Action was pretty nice, awesome details on the robots....but guess what? Storyboard direction could be a lot better seriously =/ It was jumpy...
Halfway through the show, I accidentally toppled my popcorn =x OOps xD
After the show, which lasted 3 hours. We bused back. SO many CHEENA!!!! D;
Scary.....
Luckily no cheena filth got on me, or I'd have to bathe for 3 full days :(
Finally got back to lingo's area after a gruelling journey. Cheena bus :(
Then the child uh!!! We then did fast and furious!!! LINGO DRIFT!!! in 30 minutes xD
kekekeke xD
Then not too long later I had to go. Still had to go home to do up my work. Bus was freaking crowded as usual. Gave lingo my jacket too :) hoho~~~
Slept at around 11 odd...and so god damned tired.....
Woke the next morning at around 6 and prepared to go to school. I slept on the train, and later in the 1 hour lecture =/
I was smart enough this time to set alarm so I know when to tap my attendance...can't afford to miss it again LOL! Then the assignment grades for marketing module came out today too. I got A :O
Next went to macs for breakfast, and after that was done to the library to do work and discuss a little on the project.
Then had lesson....boring~~~~~~
Lessons ended at 3 and I went to attend the digital painting workshop. The lecturer taught things I already learnt on my own in the internet =/ Oh well...I was hoping for something new...
Then headed back home. Then the child, hehe wanted to skip her jap class. So came to my house seeking refuge xD SO CHILDLIKE RIGHT? =D *LOVES*
Then played and worked at the same time. Finished up 4 icons today. 4 more to go.
10 came soon and the child had to go :(
So I saw her down, fullhouse :)
Then waved to her as she boarded the bus till she went outta sight xD SO cute hehe ~~
Alright...guess that's about all xD kekeke
HUNGRY!!! AHHH!!!!
Oh oh and lingo, hope you won't be jealous or anything. I can swear on everything that I don't like any other girls, and I sure as hell didn't reply the messages. I Love you lingo! The one and only. Remember that :)
Anyway let's talk about yesterday. Since I didn't had the time to blog yesterday. Shall do it now =p
Let's see, I was dismissed at 12? Wait NO!! I was dismissed at around 11.30. Early dismissal cause....maybe lecturer was lazy? Or or he has a hot date =p
Anyway, I couldn't leave yet despite being dismissed. Had to go meet my character design lecturer for my assignment 3 brief. Really scary, cause this time, they choose what we do. :( So afraid I'd get some shit that I don't know how to do :(
So after that went with classmates to look for lecturer. She then gave all of us lots with numbers on it. Then we'd pick. After which she'll distribute the briefs according to the different corresponding numbers.
I got number 1! LOL! =x Thought it was a good sign...guess what? NO!!!! My brief was design 3 characters for a female casual game. LIKE OMG??!! I don't know how to do casual female fashion designs :( I was like...I'm screwed.
Fortunately, there was still a ballot available and those unhappy with their draws can get to swap with another person. FORTUNATELY!!! I got someone to trade my brief with. TOYS!!! Kekekeke no restrictions :)
Now that's what I call character design xD
Then after that trained down to meet the child at dhoby ghaut for her clothing collection. She got there faster than me! Cause cause cause she slid there! Sliding + train speed = godly speed. Can't blame me if I'm slower right? xD
OH and we were planning on watching transformers 3 today too. There were 2 and 3pm show slots. Linggo's collection was at 2, so I thought the last slot would be 3. Guess what? She managed to bring forward the collection time LOL! SO that means.....2pm show =D
Met lingo at dhoby ghaut station~~~ Then the silly child don't know how to go parklane mall, then act confident hehe~~ SO CUTE!!
Then we hugged and kissed and all at the mall while we waited for the person.
HEHEHEHEHE~~~
The person finally showed up, from an unexpected spot LOL!
THen after collection, we walked back to get the movie tickets. Lingo then rammaged through her new toys and decided to wear the blazer. She looked like some air stewardess LOL!
Then got to cathay and bought the tickets. We had half an hour left so we sat at some spot with Mr bean's poster in front LOL! I swear he looks damn funny LOL! His expression alone can already make me laugh =x
Anyway, we had 2 free drinks too so we gulped them down while the lingo looked through the clothing in detail xD
Soon, 2 came and time for movie seating. Oh oh and I got popcorns too. OH! And 1 more thing, when we went to collect the free drink, I asked lingo to do it. Know what she did? xD She just stood there and showed the server the ticket =/ Luckily the person understood what she wanted...or else xD FACEPALM HEHEHEHE~~~
So we settled in and started munching on snacks. Ticketer also made a mistake in the couple seats ~.~ Luckily no one took the ones beside us =x Think they must've had realised that error, so someone kept coming in to ask for our tickets =/
Anyway show started and wow! I'm kinda confused xD
The show started to make sense later on though, but the child still couldn't catch any balls =p
Action was pretty nice, awesome details on the robots....but guess what? Storyboard direction could be a lot better seriously =/ It was jumpy...
Halfway through the show, I accidentally toppled my popcorn =x OOps xD
After the show, which lasted 3 hours. We bused back. SO many CHEENA!!!! D;
Scary.....
Luckily no cheena filth got on me, or I'd have to bathe for 3 full days :(
Finally got back to lingo's area after a gruelling journey. Cheena bus :(
Then the child uh!!! We then did fast and furious!!! LINGO DRIFT!!! in 30 minutes xD
kekekeke xD
Then not too long later I had to go. Still had to go home to do up my work. Bus was freaking crowded as usual. Gave lingo my jacket too :) hoho~~~
Slept at around 11 odd...and so god damned tired.....
Woke the next morning at around 6 and prepared to go to school. I slept on the train, and later in the 1 hour lecture =/
I was smart enough this time to set alarm so I know when to tap my attendance...can't afford to miss it again LOL! Then the assignment grades for marketing module came out today too. I got A :O
Next went to macs for breakfast, and after that was done to the library to do work and discuss a little on the project.
Then had lesson....boring~~~~~~
Lessons ended at 3 and I went to attend the digital painting workshop. The lecturer taught things I already learnt on my own in the internet =/ Oh well...I was hoping for something new...
Then headed back home. Then the child, hehe wanted to skip her jap class. So came to my house seeking refuge xD SO CHILDLIKE RIGHT? =D *LOVES*
Then played and worked at the same time. Finished up 4 icons today. 4 more to go.
10 came soon and the child had to go :(
So I saw her down, fullhouse :)
Then waved to her as she boarded the bus till she went outta sight xD SO cute hehe ~~
Alright...guess that's about all xD kekeke
HUNGRY!!! AHHH!!!!
Oh oh and lingo, hope you won't be jealous or anything. I can swear on everything that I don't like any other girls, and I sure as hell didn't reply the messages. I Love you lingo! The one and only. Remember that :)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011, 11:11 PM
You know??
Lingooo You know???
I want to live my life out with you so bad :(
And...I don't really know when you are just having a tantrum or really mad. I can't tell :( I take times when you are really angry as just a tantrum...and times when you are just throwing a tantrum...I thought you were mad for real...
I too wish one day, we could just lie in bed together. Spend the whole day doing nothing, and just in each other's embrace. Can we? :(
Lingooo You know???
I want to live my life out with you so bad :(
And...I don't really know when you are just having a tantrum or really mad. I can't tell :( I take times when you are really angry as just a tantrum...and times when you are just throwing a tantrum...I thought you were mad for real...
I too wish one day, we could just lie in bed together. Spend the whole day doing nothing, and just in each other's embrace. Can we? :(
Monday, July 4, 2011, 7:32 PM
All I wanted was to live my out with her.
Why is it so hard?
Why is it so hard?
I don't get it, I really don't.
I'm trying to make a future out of our love, a wonderful one where we'll both be happy and always have each other. Isn't that what you want too?
That's what you hope to achieve too isn't it? Then why make things so hard for the both of us? I really don't understand....
Do you really wanna ruin things that much...?
When you blew up at me yesterday, I kept my cool. Told myself, everything will be alright, just apologise. I gave you some time to cool down then came back to you again. Then when you were okay, I was kinda happy, happy I managed to avert another disaster.
Then you came up with something else again. You know I don't like to be forced. If it's important, even if I'm forced I will do it. Yet you know....yesterday going out with yout family, and doing it for you was just an excuse...my presence would just simply satisfy your envy that your sis's boyfriend was there.
You envy that little thing of theirs, but have you never thought you always had something she didn't? Something really important she didn't have. So why compare yourself to something that minor? Are you worth just that? No....you are worth more than just a simple case of envy.
And today, I only wanted time for you to cool down, and maybe also time for me to brace myself again just in case I lose my cool. Then the first thing you did, was blew up at me again.
You apologised yesterday saying you just wanna make sure I didn't think you were treating me as a punching bag. Part of me believed...but then part of me again starts to believe my presence is more of a punching bag to you, someone for you to vent your anger on because there isn't anyone else to. Just because I'm close to you, that I'm someone for you to punch on, for you to hurt?
Am I even a boyfriend to you...? Am I even someone you ever intended to have a future with?
Can't we ever just settle things amicably?
Can't we be more than just conflicts and quarrels?
I so much wanna have future with you, spend my life, share my experiences with you. Yet it seems...that isn't really important to you is it?
I'm trying to make a future out of our love, a wonderful one where we'll both be happy and always have each other. Isn't that what you want too?
That's what you hope to achieve too isn't it? Then why make things so hard for the both of us? I really don't understand....
Do you really wanna ruin things that much...?
When you blew up at me yesterday, I kept my cool. Told myself, everything will be alright, just apologise. I gave you some time to cool down then came back to you again. Then when you were okay, I was kinda happy, happy I managed to avert another disaster.
Then you came up with something else again. You know I don't like to be forced. If it's important, even if I'm forced I will do it. Yet you know....yesterday going out with yout family, and doing it for you was just an excuse...my presence would just simply satisfy your envy that your sis's boyfriend was there.
You envy that little thing of theirs, but have you never thought you always had something she didn't? Something really important she didn't have. So why compare yourself to something that minor? Are you worth just that? No....you are worth more than just a simple case of envy.
And today, I only wanted time for you to cool down, and maybe also time for me to brace myself again just in case I lose my cool. Then the first thing you did, was blew up at me again.
You apologised yesterday saying you just wanna make sure I didn't think you were treating me as a punching bag. Part of me believed...but then part of me again starts to believe my presence is more of a punching bag to you, someone for you to vent your anger on because there isn't anyone else to. Just because I'm close to you, that I'm someone for you to punch on, for you to hurt?
Am I even a boyfriend to you...? Am I even someone you ever intended to have a future with?
Can't we ever just settle things amicably?
Can't we be more than just conflicts and quarrels?
I so much wanna have future with you, spend my life, share my experiences with you. Yet it seems...that isn't really important to you is it?
I so much want her in my life...
Sunday, July 3, 2011, 8:51 PM
Won't you hold onto the future with me...?
I don't understand...I really don't...
I already suppressed myself. So I won't quarrel with you, so our relationship can be amiable and smooth sailing. I gave in for our future....because I really wanted to see such a day...
Why do you have to make it so hard? It's just an outing...
I don't force you to do things you don't like either do I?
7 days, for the very first time in our entire relationship, we broke the record and didn't have any conflicts for 7 days. Because each time there was the slightest hint that something would happen, I'd give in immediately. I thought about our future...I told myself each time....keep it low kelvin...for her, for the future, for this love. Just give in.
Even last night, I agreed not to go even though I wish I could spend some time with my family too.
I hardly see my family. Cause of work, and cause of you. Each time I got back home everyone's asleep. So...sunday is really like the only day we could get together. Despite that, just so we won't argue and that you won't be sad, I decide not to go in the end.
Normally....in the past...we would have been quarreling already no?
Even now...I'm not arguing with you...
I'm not asking you to give anything up for our future. I only didn't wanna go out with others. If we're gonna go out, I'd prefer to just do it with you.
Why make things so hard...?
Never mind...
I won't argue.
I still remember that promise I made to you when we got back again...
Just take it that it's my fault then.
Hope you enjoy your time with your family...
I already suppressed myself. So I won't quarrel with you, so our relationship can be amiable and smooth sailing. I gave in for our future....because I really wanted to see such a day...
Why do you have to make it so hard? It's just an outing...
I don't force you to do things you don't like either do I?
7 days, for the very first time in our entire relationship, we broke the record and didn't have any conflicts for 7 days. Because each time there was the slightest hint that something would happen, I'd give in immediately. I thought about our future...I told myself each time....keep it low kelvin...for her, for the future, for this love. Just give in.
Even last night, I agreed not to go even though I wish I could spend some time with my family too.
I hardly see my family. Cause of work, and cause of you. Each time I got back home everyone's asleep. So...sunday is really like the only day we could get together. Despite that, just so we won't argue and that you won't be sad, I decide not to go in the end.
Normally....in the past...we would have been quarreling already no?
Even now...I'm not arguing with you...
I'm not asking you to give anything up for our future. I only didn't wanna go out with others. If we're gonna go out, I'd prefer to just do it with you.
Why make things so hard...?
Never mind...
I won't argue.
I still remember that promise I made to you when we got back again...
Just take it that it's my fault then.
Hope you enjoy your time with your family...
Saturday, July 2, 2011, 11:46 PM
OMGWTFBBQ PEWPEWPEW 50 50 50!! Sounds real cute doesn't it???!!!! Well guess what, that came from none other than lingo xD
Those messages kinda roused me, before my alarm was set to go off at around 11:40.
After waking, went on to prepare. Will be going out with the child today =D
Bathed, did my hair, only to realise my hair spray was going out soon =/ So no hold for my hair today =/ Then got changed and went on out :)
Took a bus down to alingo's house :)
Then then that weird lingo insisted I went up xD Not too sure what for but yeah. Maybe to see what matching clothing she could wear? haha~~
I went on up and lingo came out of the door in the distance. THEN!! She did the child walk towards me xD Then she picked up pace when I imitated her and she did the dininini run! SO CUTE!!! KAWAII!!! AHHHH!!!!! xD
We then stood around in her room, hugged a little. Then she went through her closet asking what should she wear =p
Not too long later, we went off =p
Decided to take neoprints at westmall first. So went down to wait for the bus. Then halfway through the wait, ling saw her jie. So she went off to chat with her. I -emo'ed- *wehhh*
Then then bus came LOL!! Then the child wave to me! Took the bus to westmall and then we went our seperate ways. Me and lingo went in, then she wanted to take the lift lol =/
Guess what? Waiting for the lift, in addition to the slow travelling time of the lift made the time longer than had we taken he escalator =p
Hehe so cute right the child? :)
We then went to the arcade and had to get a new card since we didn't have any existing ones.
Then took neoprint! Kisses and huggies! hehe~~
Then time to decorate neoprints. Guess what? One of the tablet pen was broken =/ So ended up lingo had to do it alone. Then again, the prints looked better without any decos, which kinda spoils things in my opinion. End result? We made do without the decos :)
Had to wait like forever for the thing to end though, since the other pen was down :(
Finally the prints came out and I liked this print with me smooching lingg SO MUCH!! SO NICE HEHEHEHE~~ perfect posture :)
Then we headed off to take a bus to lingo's area. Had to switch buses there, cause there wasn't 963 at westmall.
Lucky for us, 963 came real quick. Weather was searing hot :(
Interesting bus ride, I came up with lotsa crap. Then took some photos, lingo had purple hair! xD
Soon we arrived at harbourfront. Then went to sakae sushi! Didn't get the window seat :(
I ordered couple plates of sushi and and I tried the chawanmushi today too! Nice nice hehe :) Lingg fed me some from her's too xD So nice hoho~~ Love the ahlingo!
We ate for about an hour and a half? Then we were done. And headed to vivo to get tickets for transformers 3. Guess what???? NO TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! EMO MAX :(
Oh well, then went to do a little shopping. Went to natural project and the guy could tell I was wearing jeans from there lol =/
Too damn ex, so headed to uniqlo instead. tried a couple of jeans, and once lingo went in with me too! tiko xD
She redid her foundation inside cause it looked odd o.o
Finally, I settled with a pair of jeans and went to pay for it. 70 bucks =/
Went around looking for tops and none piqued my interest. All the designs are so generic, what are designers doing nowadays? :( So lousy designs!
There wasn't much to do after that. And and the lingo wanted to R me xD
Soooo.....headed back to area xD
Took a train back cause there wasn't any direct buses. Lingo was whining all the way, impatient hehe~~~ but I like xD
Alighted at lakeside and got slurpee too! Coke only xD
Then walked back, lingo whined ahhh hehehehehehe :)
Soon, we were back and got right into action!
-Fast forward-
Finally done at around 9? Something scary happened in between, but not as scary as the last time when her sis knocked xD
Then we just sat on the bed in the dark, and chatted :)
Talked about anything and everything, then I wanted to marry her! AHHH!!! I want the lingo :( I want a future for us...
Time really flew when we're together and it was already 10.30. When all the while, it probably felt like only half an hour?
I then saw lingo down to the bus stop and saw her off. Missed the first 157 xD
FULLHOUSES!!! I always stole her first move xD
I'm so nimble!!!
Thenthe next 157 came and off she went :)
Lingo...I love you and I will accomodate you...
You don't have to care if I'm upset or anything...
I just want a future for us....and besides...I already promised I won't argue and I will accomodate you.
I just wanna be with you....I wanna see you in a wedding gown...and I...wanna see us walk down the aisle....
Those messages kinda roused me, before my alarm was set to go off at around 11:40.
After waking, went on to prepare. Will be going out with the child today =D
Bathed, did my hair, only to realise my hair spray was going out soon =/ So no hold for my hair today =/ Then got changed and went on out :)
Took a bus down to alingo's house :)
Then then that weird lingo insisted I went up xD Not too sure what for but yeah. Maybe to see what matching clothing she could wear? haha~~
I went on up and lingo came out of the door in the distance. THEN!! She did the child walk towards me xD Then she picked up pace when I imitated her and she did the dininini run! SO CUTE!!! KAWAII!!! AHHHH!!!!! xD
We then stood around in her room, hugged a little. Then she went through her closet asking what should she wear =p
Not too long later, we went off =p
Decided to take neoprints at westmall first. So went down to wait for the bus. Then halfway through the wait, ling saw her jie. So she went off to chat with her. I -emo'ed- *wehhh*
Then then bus came LOL!! Then the child wave to me! Took the bus to westmall and then we went our seperate ways. Me and lingo went in, then she wanted to take the lift lol =/
Guess what? Waiting for the lift, in addition to the slow travelling time of the lift made the time longer than had we taken he escalator =p
Hehe so cute right the child? :)
We then went to the arcade and had to get a new card since we didn't have any existing ones.
Then took neoprint! Kisses and huggies! hehe~~
Then time to decorate neoprints. Guess what? One of the tablet pen was broken =/ So ended up lingo had to do it alone. Then again, the prints looked better without any decos, which kinda spoils things in my opinion. End result? We made do without the decos :)
Had to wait like forever for the thing to end though, since the other pen was down :(
Finally the prints came out and I liked this print with me smooching lingg SO MUCH!! SO NICE HEHEHEHE~~ perfect posture :)
Then we headed off to take a bus to lingo's area. Had to switch buses there, cause there wasn't 963 at westmall.
Lucky for us, 963 came real quick. Weather was searing hot :(
Interesting bus ride, I came up with lotsa crap. Then took some photos, lingo had purple hair! xD
Soon we arrived at harbourfront. Then went to sakae sushi! Didn't get the window seat :(
I ordered couple plates of sushi and and I tried the chawanmushi today too! Nice nice hehe :) Lingg fed me some from her's too xD So nice hoho~~ Love the ahlingo!
We ate for about an hour and a half? Then we were done. And headed to vivo to get tickets for transformers 3. Guess what???? NO TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! EMO MAX :(
Oh well, then went to do a little shopping. Went to natural project and the guy could tell I was wearing jeans from there lol =/
Too damn ex, so headed to uniqlo instead. tried a couple of jeans, and once lingo went in with me too! tiko xD
She redid her foundation inside cause it looked odd o.o
Finally, I settled with a pair of jeans and went to pay for it. 70 bucks =/
Went around looking for tops and none piqued my interest. All the designs are so generic, what are designers doing nowadays? :( So lousy designs!
There wasn't much to do after that. And and the lingo wanted to R me xD
Soooo.....headed back to area xD
Took a train back cause there wasn't any direct buses. Lingo was whining all the way, impatient hehe~~~ but I like xD
Alighted at lakeside and got slurpee too! Coke only xD
Then walked back, lingo whined ahhh hehehehehehe :)
Soon, we were back and got right into action!
-Fast forward-
Finally done at around 9? Something scary happened in between, but not as scary as the last time when her sis knocked xD
Then we just sat on the bed in the dark, and chatted :)
Talked about anything and everything, then I wanted to marry her! AHHH!!! I want the lingo :( I want a future for us...
Time really flew when we're together and it was already 10.30. When all the while, it probably felt like only half an hour?
I then saw lingo down to the bus stop and saw her off. Missed the first 157 xD
FULLHOUSES!!! I always stole her first move xD
I'm so nimble!!!
Thenthe next 157 came and off she went :)
Lingo...I love you and I will accomodate you...
You don't have to care if I'm upset or anything...
I just want a future for us....and besides...I already promised I won't argue and I will accomodate you.
I just wanna be with you....I wanna see you in a wedding gown...and I...wanna see us walk down the aisle....
