Wednesday, June 22, 2011, 4:41 AM
When I found out about it....I couldn't stop thinking...I couldn't stop crying.
The worst feeling on earth, is to be cheated...or feel like you've been cheated upon. That feeling, is so much worse than any kind of hurt or feelings anyone can possibly go through. You've been through it, not once, but twice. You should know it...
I kept thinking. I kept trying to give myself reasons, to convince myself that I gotta believe there is nothing at all. All you wanted, was to have some company, someone to lend a listening ear.
Yet....I couldn't help leaning to the other end of my thoughts. This guy, someone I've never heard of before all these time we were together, all of a sudden asks you out on a solo date. I might....not have thought that much if it was someone you've been close along, ernest, that derrick guy, or maybe even zibin. That moment, I tried convincing myself that maybe he was just an old friend who lost contact with you...and that almost worked.
At least...till I saw your blog. What you made him out to be, it was so clear that guy you went with, was a total flirt. Obviously, he was attempting to flirt you. He probably told you that there's this girl he enjoys his time with, which means he likes her no? Then what the hell is he doing out solo with another girl? That shows as clear as water what kinda person he was, and what agenda he had. Then there was something about a 10cm dick...what exactly did you guys talk about...? I can;t fathom...the worse part was....to know...you'd let him flirt....
This past week. Yeah I did go out with my secondary school clique (and i'd still like to stress I never made any contact with any girl at all). First was start of the holidays, we went out to kbox, grabbed dinner and that was it. It was to kill time yes, but nothing different from me playing video games at home. That group weren't people I could share my heartfelt thoughts with. See my facebook statuses, see what they reply, and it's obvious this bunch...was no different from me staying at home.
Today I was with that group again, and all we did was have dinner. What's more, I met them there coincidentally. I have been dropping by jurong point alone the pass few days to have my meals. I never asked anyone with me, neither did any really bothered to look for me.
You said I get to ease my pain. I really don't see how so...
I go around alone. I even watched Super 8 alone. The 2 times I was with that group, there wasn't anything I could've have said to ease my own pain, neither did they attempt to comfort me either. Ease my pain with that group? That wasn't likely....and it never did....
There could've been someone I could have talked to. Remember me telling you that period when I first got to know you, there was another girl who liked me too? I don't know how she knew what was happening, could've been from our blogs, or from my facebook. She attempted to ask me out, told me that we could meet up and just have a little talk. It was tempting. She was a rather close friend, at least....on the closer side...before I really got to know you well enough.
That moment when she asked, it was tempting. There was someone who was willing to listen, someone to ease my thoughts with, and a pretty girl at that. Yet, I declined. I told her I was fine and that meeting up wasn't necessary. I eventually even stopped replying fearing she might start bugging or something. Why did I do that? Because I strictly believe in the word faith.
I know it is hurting enough for you now as it is....and the last thing I'd wanna do, is to throw another blow at you, throw the worse feeling on earth at you....adding insult to the wound. The last thing I'd wanna do...is to make you feel like you got cheated on...or even feel like you MIGHT have been cheated upon. Neither of those feelings...are anywhere great.
She was a friend on the closer side before we really got together. I eventually distant her because of you. I threw away a close friend...bearing in mind...I never had much of close friends to speak of. I didn't wannt any wrong ideas to pop out, I didn't wanna make you feel cheated...
Just yesterday, my ex talked to me all of a sudden again. Then she did the same thing, she attempted to ask me out. Hear me out. I knew things weren't that simple...even if it was, I didn't wanna take any chances. I did the same thing, and I eventually stopped replying her as well.
Even at this stage, at our current situation...
If I had been any other guy, I would've been long gone. I could probably have been in the arms of another girl. Yet I never wavered from that, I stuck to where my heart was with...you.
Then again...I guess it doesn't really matter that much to you anymore.
Now, I'm probably just another jerk in your eyes who chose his dream over you. A stupid jerk, a stupid guy, who despite having chosen his dream.....still kept his heart with you.
This guy...is so heartbroken. Yet...I guess we're even now then....I broke your heart because I chose to pursue my dream. And now you broke mine.
It's ok....you can go with anyone you like. I'm nobody now, and I have no right to enforce anything on you. You are free again....you can do whatever you want...go out with whoever you want....I don't care anymore...
Hey blog...I don't know. Depending on things, this could well be my last post...or not. I'm tired....so tired....
- The possible last post from the stupid guy who has always kept, and still keeps his heart with the girl he loves -
The worst feeling on earth, is to be cheated...or feel like you've been cheated upon. That feeling, is so much worse than any kind of hurt or feelings anyone can possibly go through. You've been through it, not once, but twice. You should know it...
I kept thinking. I kept trying to give myself reasons, to convince myself that I gotta believe there is nothing at all. All you wanted, was to have some company, someone to lend a listening ear.
Yet....I couldn't help leaning to the other end of my thoughts. This guy, someone I've never heard of before all these time we were together, all of a sudden asks you out on a solo date. I might....not have thought that much if it was someone you've been close along, ernest, that derrick guy, or maybe even zibin. That moment, I tried convincing myself that maybe he was just an old friend who lost contact with you...and that almost worked.
At least...till I saw your blog. What you made him out to be, it was so clear that guy you went with, was a total flirt. Obviously, he was attempting to flirt you. He probably told you that there's this girl he enjoys his time with, which means he likes her no? Then what the hell is he doing out solo with another girl? That shows as clear as water what kinda person he was, and what agenda he had. Then there was something about a 10cm dick...what exactly did you guys talk about...? I can;t fathom...the worse part was....to know...you'd let him flirt....
This past week. Yeah I did go out with my secondary school clique (and i'd still like to stress I never made any contact with any girl at all). First was start of the holidays, we went out to kbox, grabbed dinner and that was it. It was to kill time yes, but nothing different from me playing video games at home. That group weren't people I could share my heartfelt thoughts with. See my facebook statuses, see what they reply, and it's obvious this bunch...was no different from me staying at home.
Today I was with that group again, and all we did was have dinner. What's more, I met them there coincidentally. I have been dropping by jurong point alone the pass few days to have my meals. I never asked anyone with me, neither did any really bothered to look for me.
You said I get to ease my pain. I really don't see how so...
I go around alone. I even watched Super 8 alone. The 2 times I was with that group, there wasn't anything I could've have said to ease my own pain, neither did they attempt to comfort me either. Ease my pain with that group? That wasn't likely....and it never did....
There could've been someone I could have talked to. Remember me telling you that period when I first got to know you, there was another girl who liked me too? I don't know how she knew what was happening, could've been from our blogs, or from my facebook. She attempted to ask me out, told me that we could meet up and just have a little talk. It was tempting. She was a rather close friend, at least....on the closer side...before I really got to know you well enough.
That moment when she asked, it was tempting. There was someone who was willing to listen, someone to ease my thoughts with, and a pretty girl at that. Yet, I declined. I told her I was fine and that meeting up wasn't necessary. I eventually even stopped replying fearing she might start bugging or something. Why did I do that? Because I strictly believe in the word faith.
I know it is hurting enough for you now as it is....and the last thing I'd wanna do, is to throw another blow at you, throw the worse feeling on earth at you....adding insult to the wound. The last thing I'd wanna do...is to make you feel like you got cheated on...or even feel like you MIGHT have been cheated upon. Neither of those feelings...are anywhere great.
She was a friend on the closer side before we really got together. I eventually distant her because of you. I threw away a close friend...bearing in mind...I never had much of close friends to speak of. I didn't wannt any wrong ideas to pop out, I didn't wanna make you feel cheated...
Just yesterday, my ex talked to me all of a sudden again. Then she did the same thing, she attempted to ask me out. Hear me out. I knew things weren't that simple...even if it was, I didn't wanna take any chances. I did the same thing, and I eventually stopped replying her as well.
Even at this stage, at our current situation...
If I had been any other guy, I would've been long gone. I could probably have been in the arms of another girl. Yet I never wavered from that, I stuck to where my heart was with...you.
Then again...I guess it doesn't really matter that much to you anymore.
Now, I'm probably just another jerk in your eyes who chose his dream over you. A stupid jerk, a stupid guy, who despite having chosen his dream.....still kept his heart with you.
This guy...is so heartbroken. Yet...I guess we're even now then....I broke your heart because I chose to pursue my dream. And now you broke mine.
It's ok....you can go with anyone you like. I'm nobody now, and I have no right to enforce anything on you. You are free again....you can do whatever you want...go out with whoever you want....I don't care anymore...
Hey blog...I don't know. Depending on things, this could well be my last post...or not. I'm tired....so tired....
- The possible last post from the stupid guy who has always kept, and still keeps his heart with the girl he loves -
